There were six. Then there were three.
Now, only two remain.
Next, would there be a single fighter or none left behind?
Nothing can beat the motherland.
No matter how dysfunctional your family is, theyre still the ones who'll stick around. So the question is one.
Stay or Leave?
It's never an easy choice to choose comfort over pride.
There was us.
keritinggggggg!!!!!!!!!!!
kalo pikiran lagi ruwet, terkadang orang2 mikir "masalah gue kyknya lbh penting daripada masalah elo deh." lbh gawat nih! lebih parah! lebih ini... lebih itu.. lebih.. serba lebih.
terkadang elo insist untuk nyeritain ke orang tentang masalah 'berat' elo ini dengan menggebu2.
pernah gak sih disaat ada orang curhat ke elo dan dipikiran lo malah misuh2 'ih gitu doang aja, bukan tragedi dunia kali!'. weits.. harsh.
siapa sih yg bisa nge-scale kadar penting/tidak pentingnya masalah yg dihadapin seseorang?
terkadang nyeritain masalah 'berat' ini ke orang lain dan gak ndapetin consolation sesuai harapan lo dan hasilnya malah bikin rambut keriting2, kulit keriput. Terkadang juga mikir 2 kali untuk ceritain ke orang dengan maksud gak mau bebanin orang lain dengan masalah-masalah 'bodoh'mu ini. "ah, ini masalah biasa. gak perlu dibesar2kan" -- tapi setiap hari yang ada di kepala cuma itu itu aja yang jadinya perut mual, kepala pening, mulut berbusa.
seberapa besar sih apresiasi orang untuk mendengarkan keluhan-keluhan hidup orang lain?
dan seberapa besar kesadaran diri si pencurhat untuk siap menjadi pendengar yang baik?
sebenernya banyak hal-hal printilan yang akan terus ngehantam ke depan muka lo tiap hari. apa yang bikin ini lebih 'berat' dari yg sebelumnya atau yang akan datang?
printilan-printilan itu numpuk sedikit demi sedikit sekarang udah mentog at the edge of my skull. mau marah juga udah keabisan tenaga duluan. mau misuh-misuh, bingung apa yang mau di teriakin duluan. mau nuntut, semuanya terlihat legit biarpun permainannya licik. mau nangis, (udah) tapi gak bikin pikiran lega juga. semua emosi sebenernya bisa tumpah dalam satu occasion, tapi kalem dan sabar spertinya lebih bisa ngalirin solusi-solusi tokcer. Tuh, siapa bilang problem-solving skills cuma di dapet dari kuliah dan kerja?!
di sms itu, pernah ditanyakan 'gimana sih biar bisa sabar yang ikhlas'. bukan sabar yang dalam arti pengecut dan gak berani stand up for yourselves.
waduh.
bingung juga.
dan gue jadi mikir 'selama ini sabar ato pengecut?'
rasanya sih masih berontak. nggantung diantara ikhlas dan gak mau terima. jadi apa dong itu?
jadi gini..
masalah gue gak ringan. (kata siapa?)
tapi gue mencoba sabar, menahan emosi dan berpikir rasional. (sabar atau pengecut?)
contingency scenarios juga udah mule di buat. dari A, B, C,D, E la la la la. solusi-solusi terlihat tokcer tapi masih belom bisa kasi kepastiannya. makanya masih dalam konsep "scenarios" bukan? (problem-solving memblé kah?)
ini intinya mau curhat.
tapi ndak enak sama yang lagi heboh tentang blocking-memblocking Utube, Multiply, Myspace dan memboikot pemerintah.
Masalah gue jadi terlihat 'kecil' dibanding itu bukan?
ah, tidak mau membebani yang emang sempet-sempetnya mbaca blog ini.
gak penting kok.
masalah yang lebih heboh lebih 'berat' bukan?
the past (not) forgotten
pernah gak sih lo ngutik2 masa lalu dan langsung garuk2 aspal?
ternyata punya blog itu ada baik dan buruknya.
buruknya? is that bloody archive!
semuanya, dari hal2 sekecil apapun jadi keinget jelas dari coretan2 yang pernah ditaro di taun 2004, 2005, 2006,2007. secuil cerita bisa bikin dada nelongso.. apalagi berbaris foto2 terjejer rapi dari saat itu dan masa itu.
emang sih, lucu juga re-living the past through those scribbles. Tapi ada saatnya, di saat2 yang paling menyenangkan, ada keinginan untuk go through it again. just for the fun part. :) tapi disatu sisi, what you have now isn't as good as what you had years ago. as desperate a person can be, fat chance you can transport back to the past just to fulfil the hollow feelings presently exist. Life isn't a doraemon's pocket, you see. (wish it were)
gak semua yang menyenangkan itu berlanjut terus.
nothing is forever, katanya.
at one time, i hate blogs.
nothing can easily forgotten when it's already blogged.
You've made your own history, your bibliography (in your own way).
how?
hit that bloody archive!
untitled
Ketika kurasakan sudah ada
ruang dihatiku yang kau sentuh
dan ketika kusadari sudah
tak selalu indah cinta yang ada
mungkin memang ku yang harus mengerti
bilaku bukan yang ingin kau miliki
salahkah ku bila
kaulah yang ada dihatiku
................
........................
You never, ever, repeat all Maliq & D'essentials on your iPod.
They will break your mind and soul.
Trust me.
Like a mentally disorder person, you'll be having a laugh at one time, sobbing the next.
That's the side effects.
Now, do you still dare?
I recommend, not.
teryata jakarta itu indah.
something interesting i discover today.
an african guy noticed my 'too ethnic' name and asked if it's an Indonesian name. I said yes.
Was about to ask how did he know but don't want to make too much of a chit-chat today.
turns out he was the one who keep on talking.
I get curious when he asked me which part of Jakarta I live, Jakarta Barat, or Selatan?
Say Wha? How did know selatan, barat, pusat, timur????
Now I'm intrigued.
We ended up talking for quite abit.
that's how I found out how much he like Jakarta.
quite unsual isnt it?
I mean, if you hear someone love Bali. yeah, no big deal, really.
and this person say he likes that chaotic city?! while i would know some people who desperately want to get out of the city once in a while. wakakka... you know who you are. ;)
The idea that the city is bizarrely lin tune with the metropolitan lifestyle is exhilirating for him. The habit of eating out and having fancy places around the city (ie malls) are very enjoyable. I find that... surprising.
Don't get me wrong, I never hate the city, but never quite lovin' it too.
We ended up talking about Jakarta and the food..
He loves soto ayam.
kampret! jadi pengen...
and I told him about the newest & 'classiest' mall in the city called senayan city.
no surprise, he's quite familiar with senayan as well. (not the mall)
It's the first time I ever hear someone fancy Jakarta. Do you know what people usually respond when they hear Jakarta?
"oh. *pause*"
"very crowded isnt it?"
"i'm scared to go around over there. afraid of being mugged or anything." (true story. my bruneian ex-housemate said this once).
never they elaborate on liking our habit of eating out and our serious addiction to malls.
this is a quite bizarre discovery.
It is where Jakartan meets African in Australia
dan hari ini rabu.
bukan mau menghitung hari sih. tapi keabisan ide untuk naro judul. ya udahlah ambil yang simpel aja.. :)
hari ini masih kelanjutan dari yang kemaren. tapi di sisi yang lebih ekstrim.
eneg dan segala macem menye2 udah hilang
yang ketinggalan cuma marah.
Amy winehouse, Mark ronson, Mika, Rihanna, Macy Gray, Goldfrapp agak2 membantu 'berteriak' untuk ngelepasin smua uneg2. Musiknya cukup membuat telinga gue pengang dan teriakan gue teredam dengan bass dan drums mereka.
........
semua bermula dari perempuan yang selalu pengen gue cekek whenever i hear the first hello from her mouth. very arrogant women, she is. tapi setelah dipikir2 lagi, i've decided to ignore whatever she said. to hell with her!
hari ini juga masih kelanjutan dari kemaren..
rasa kaget gue masih nyisa sedikit. di kepala gue masih ada pertanyaan2, "kok bisa?", "trus gimana keluarganya?", "kan masih muda". yang terakhir memang bukan pertanyaan.
Inalillahi wa innalillah raji'un.
Temen SD yang seangkatan dengan gue berpulang ke Rahmatullah kemarin pagi. Berita sampe ke gue tadi malam. Rasa marah gue yang meluap2 gara2 si perempuan bule itu, setelah dikasi berita tentang temenku, kecampur aduk sama kaget... yang jadinya, eneg.
Dia baru berumur 26, sakit jantung.
(Deg!) gue masih gak bisa ngilangin kaget. Bawaan, katanya.
Diantara berita2 bahagia dari temen2. Menikah, punya anak pertama, kerjaan baru yang mapan.
SMS singkat itu yang paling bikin gue gemeteran dan gak bisa bergerak dari kursi gue.
dan disini gue masih misuh misuh untuk hal duniawi yang 'biasa' terjadi.
sementara, temen gue itu (mungkin) kecapean njalanin tugasnya sebagai tulang punggung keluarga dan badannya yang kecil itu udah gak kuat lagi.
I still can't decide to rewind or forward.
Semuanya masih campur aduk.
(Semoga amal ibadahnya diterima Allah SWT. Amin.. )
misuh misuh
i shudnt call it depressed. or maybe i could?
things she (a friend) said prolly a joke or sarcastic talk. although to me, they seem true. being the outspoken person that she is, maybe things she said (about me) is what she thinks of me.
don't complain much.
try to look happy more.
don't be so defensive.
nyet! am i that obvious to public?
i don't disagree, but i dislike the fact that i'm easy to read by people. I hate that.
as much as i try to be that i'm not, to be people-person, the inner me just couldn't resist to let it all out.
the day couldn't be more worse.
so i thought..
a racist bitch had complete my bitter day. the one thing i hate most living here is the local girls. they really are bitches! not all, but most.
i always say to myself not to give a rats-ass to them and whatever they say or what they think of you. i can't help it can I? when they're all around with that bitchy mouth and judgy stares.
the longer I stay here, the more I dislike the locals. by locals I mean caucasian, bule, blue eyes, and non-ethnic. hence I hate when people back home keep on asking if I have hooked up with them kinds. ew! As if!
I chat and act nice to them just out of formality and social manner. Otherwise, I couldn't bloody care less about them. If I could ignore, I would.
This is why I prefer not to think higher of foreigners (esp the kinds I mentioned earlier) in my home town. Why would I think of 'em better if they're not even my countrymen. There's no state-rule that says be kind O' citizen to the mighty foreigners. ha! yeah. eat me.
If they can be racist to asians, why can't I be racist to them?
I'm not saying all of them are rude, despicable, and no manners, but mostly the young women ranging from 21-27 are top-notch bitches. true story.
is it the communication gap?
or they're just plain arrogant?
PS: SHUT DOWN WOODARDS CARLTON NORTH (633 Nicholson Street). The staff don't have any customer service manners!!!! or they're all racists, who knows? they don't have the skills to be estate agents. point is, THEY SUCK!
ERIN C, Youre A RACIST BITCH!!! They should FIRE you! bitch.
selasa
ada apa dengan hari ini?
gue rasanya muak, eneg, mo muntah, pusing, mumet.
smuanya langsung dilempar ke muka gue sedikit demi sedikit dari tadi pagi.
bingung, marah, kaget jadi satu.
ini hari selasa paling biadab yang pernah gue alamin.
i dont wanna press rewind nor forward.
if rewind, i'd have to go through the black-tuesday again.
if forward, i've live passed it but still hold the memory.
i don't have a clue.
