iya. saya bingung dgn perasaan saya sekarang. seneng, sedih, putus asa, ato malah.. biasa aja? Bingung sumpah Bingungg..
alesannya?
It's only been 3 months (going to 4) since 2006 started. You know how many wedding informations have I received? ... I stop counting.
It's sorta depressing you know. They are all my age. We spent our teen - adolescent years giggling, hanging out, studying, or whatever kids did together. Not all the time, but they were there. They're once part of my life. Small portion or big time. Now, somehow.. I'm drifted apart. Far Faraway to a dreamland and never reality. It's sad really.
They seem to have found their soulmate, or for those who havent found.. they're looking. Before all these invitations, I never would've thought about it. Yes, I've said Lover is better than hubby. At the time, it feels right. I think it still is, but other things starts to wrestle in my mind. Hmm Dunno lah.
Look, it's not that I'm not happy for all my friends. I'm most happy to see them happy. Maybe it's becoz I realize now.. We've changed (in a good way).
I've never tot of wedlock until these invitations stroke me at my face. Over twentytu, the world isn't a playground no more. A tot that I always kept in mind. Twentytu.. starts diggin' for a better life. Goshdarnit!
[If I were one of Parker & Stone's made up character, I'd be Tweak.]
bingung
Back to Basic
well, colours were never me.
Simple white has more meaning than abstract colours.
I'm not the person who is easily inspired juz by colours and nice words. Takes a lot more than that to get me going, hokay.
SO. I Hate Colours!
... except for shoes and bags of course. For these two, the more colours, the better! :)
The previous template was trying to express the other side of me that I'm trying to build. Heck, aint working honey.
Back to Basic is what makes it more me. Simple and Real.
Youth Group
Do you really want to live forever?
Forever forever,
Forever young, I want to be forever young,
Do you really want to live forever?
Forever, forever
Are we immature to ask to be forever young?
Truth, lies, and other things within.
I'm all stressed out cos now I have someone to bitch about people that we both dislike? Are we really that childish and sooo ABG?
Is it possible that now I can release tension and not keep things for myself?
Have I suddenly become so outspoken just because I have a supporter?
That's so "rame2 kita gebukin orang, sendiri mari kita ngumpet!"
I cannot help it though. Maybe this what separates "Ambitious adult" and "Snobbish adolescent".
Am I just admitting myself a snobbish adolescent? I know I'm not a wise adult, but is it really that I. AM. Adolescent? Pfuit.
I'm in a process of being true to what my heart feels. It may feel bad at first to blurt out all bad things to people's faces but I'll get over it. It's better than just keep everything to yourself right? I may not have to put a two-faced act ever again. Still, I feel bad to put myself out there. Showing my rude act and bitter gesture.
Truth hurts huh.
Close the book and start again
You've got to lift yourself up above all the hurt
Don't give in
Wipe your eyes and remember you're better than this
Foolish [SuMmer2-0-0-5]
Possibility is uncertain. Certainty can never be sure.
Is there assurance of a friend to be more than friends?
Is it just this current emptiness that controls our mind and soul?
Are you sure that the love is vivid?
Are you certain?
Am I certain??
The best friend is untouchable. That, I know is certain.
Though the heart wants him still..
Foolish! Foolish I tell you!
Breakthrough, Break-free...
You cannot hurry love, so they said.
I mustn't. I shouldn't. I couldn't?
He, I don't think I ever want.
But the thought will not disappear.
It is I...
I wanna disappear. Running away, yet again
Afraid of what would happen if I continue to stay.
Terrified of what could've become.
A heart full of roses and butterflies on my tummy
All is because I'm used to have him around?
This is foolish. I am a fool.
Period.
I wanna runaway... This ain't my comfort zone. I realized now, all of these are just a beautiful rainbow. It shines perfectly, yet for a while. I smiled, again, for a while. Although I've seen what lies under the rainbow, the happiness does not persist. The life I had before this exploration of a new life was ever more glorious, a thousand times more. Everyone kept saying, welcome to the real world! Hurrah Hurrah!
FYI: real world sucks!
Believe you me, I don't wanna live in the real world. But who does?
People yelled and scream without end. Your mind crowded with foolish tasks and mind games. No wonder shrinks become the most wanted career.
They told me not to stress out cosI have no obligation whatsoever. Can you actually believe that I am ALLOWED to do whatever I want? Foolish! I'm the most panicky and overly worried when it comes to responsibilities.
I don't know what to do and I'm out of my comfort zone. I want back!
Back to the life I most cherished.
The life that gave most happiness for me.
Again, I'm stuck in the middle of chaotic chamber. It's called 'the real world!'
I have this stored in my iPod since summer started. Don't even remember exactly when I wrote it. Heck I don't even know who I'm talkin bout, I cant remember, complete blank! Now I'm curious and kept going back and forth trying to remember.
.... Still trying.
miscellaneous
V For Vendetta
"People should not be afraid of Government, Government should be afraid of People"
The tagline really punch you right in the face innit? This is true though, people's voice could eventually destroy the holliness kingdom of radical government. Err, not much to say here incase i wrote something really ridiculous considering im not v. political-minded.
Off the topic, he was juz logged in b4 he rushed out off messenger. For a second there my heart was pounding like mad! Why? God knows why. I was nervous and had a minor anxiety attack. Again, God knows why.
It's almost 3 AM and I'm currently uploading all my mp3s into iTunes library. Why? So that I'll know which songs are duplicated and rotten so I can dump 'em rightaway. I need space for more downloadings hence out-you-go trashy songs. Need to store all the others into iPod too. I hate the fact that I have to organise all these files before I put em into iPod? So irritating.
Again, I'm unemployed and a part-time student with nothing worthwhile to do. Hence, I'm V. Bored.
mixed feelings.
"I've been having difficulties keeping to myself
Feelings and emotions better left up on the shelf
Animals and children tell the truth, they never lie
Which one is more human
There's a thought, now you decide"
Thats the lyric of an old movie, back in 99, the other sister. I vaguely remember the movie, but surely remember a whole lot bout the song. I've been downloading several songs from the 90s and some from 80s. Back to those years really brought a lot of good memories, and not the bad ones. I hardly remember the tough memories about my childhood, or try to put all that behind maybe. But it's good though. Oh heck, i miss my past life prior adulthood.
Taken from the lyric, 'Animals and children tell the truth, they never lie'. Why being adult means hav to live in deceit and hypocrisy? 'Feelings and emotions better left up on the shelf'. We open the front door cold-heartedly and packed in our suitcase a two-faced act. 'Maybe it's because telling the truth would make them feel too vulnerable." (JD - Scrubs) There's a thought, now you decide.
Oh, Cruel World!
if honesty means always hav to speak the truth, then im livin in enormous chain of lies...
i hit rock bottom.
on Questions and Answers.
"cahaya bulan menusukku dengan ribuan pertanyaan
yg takkan pernah aku tahu dimana jawaban itu
bagai letusan berapi bangunkan dari mimpi
sudah waktunya berdiri mencari jawaban kegelisahan hati" N. Saputra
sounds familiar aint it? dari hari ke hari ribuan pertanyaan pasti bakalan muncul di kepala lo. that is, if ure not dead inside. =P Mulai dari yang simple what am gonna wear today?, sampe apa arti hidup ini?
In a utopian world, everything looks so perfect. Tapi ya the keyword is 'utopian'. Don't exist. Sebenernya, dengan ada pertanyaan2 itu kita ngerasa hidup. Iya gak sih? A genius Einstein even said "Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow. The important thing is not to stop questioning."
moving on.
terus bertanya tapi kalo gak nemu2 jawabanya gimana? worse, gak tau cari jawabannya dimana. Selalu bertanya tapi lo gak bisa nentuin belok kanan ato kiri, ato lurus? it's a three-way baby! :P Ketika saat untuk berdiri dan mencari jawaban itu datang, be prepared for risks. Cos theyre always there ahead of ya. Mungkin ketakutan yang ngehalangin untuk berdiri. Looks like so. Tembok ketakutan sbnrnya harus di runtuhin dan berani untuk merangkak, kemudian berjalan.. mencari jawaban.
easy to say than done.
on contemporary marketing.
"If the world has a meaning, it is because actors are constructing and reconstructing intentions and accounts, and thereby their own and the other's identities" R.W. Scott
Investigating marketing is trying to capture a world in motion. An understanding of today's contemporary study of marketing.
It's interestingly relate to our human behavior, in which to survive with their lives. We're just trying to capture a world in motion. Ambitious arent we?
twinkle twinkle little star
Every night the city sky shines so bright, in its darkness.
An oxymoron paradigm(?)
Everytime I look outside my bedroom window, there is one star outshines the other.
Does it try to say something to oneself?
shopaholic crave.
Louis Vuitton.
Black lace pumps. ankle straps sandals. Gold wedge pumps.
or
Jimmy Choo ...?
[psst.. it's someone's birthday today. A big 23 celebration. Happy birthday, you. ]
massive boredom attack!
udah seminggu gue silently terdampar di negara bule ini.
udah seminggu gue listened to lagu-lagu indo yang sering berkoar-koar di mustang & prambors.
udah seminggu gue nyanyiin kerispatih, maliq & d'essential, & peterpan (yes, u read it correctly!).
Kayaknya gue masih homesick, which is odd cos I rarely feel homesick. I always tot melbz as a second home. Surprisingly, I dont feel it so this time. Every words came out of ma mouth always said 'Im dyin to get outta this country'. In my mind, I've become a racist. Seriously, I dislike caucasians.. well, red-necks. Shush, don't tell.
Intinya.. saya bosan disini.
reality... it's back!
walking down the old path again..
listened to various tunes on a single pack of white itunes-box.
the night has juz began, lights so bright in those high-rise towers.
people feel warm & safe up in their home sweet home.
true, people are there.. but theyre not.
none of em. im walking alone..
only darkness persists.
is it irony or misery?
do tell me..
boys.haas.
sandy blonde hair, broad shoulders, red lips & big bright blue eyes.
Pretty boys, pretty boys. Popular or mysterious?
Pretty boys, u know ure secretly admired..U know ure universally adored.
Pretty boys, pretty boys.. Ure so narcotics, intoxicating, electrifying.
Sweetest blues, diamond eyes, are u here forever?
Is it a chant or is it a prayer?
