atas nama emosi*

sok ganteng banget sih lo
kepdean banget.

it aint like you're the only boy living on earth!
i'll find me another -more- decent boy than you!

you. despicable you.
you're not worth the anger. but whenever tiny things remind me of you, they tick me off!
am i a spam to you?

you are definitely the most unworthy of all.
asshole.
jerk.

* refer to Seno Gumira Adjidarma's "atas nama malam"

peanuts scribble

Kamu ada. Aku ingin tau.
kamu tiada. Aku tak peduli!

Aku mau. Kamu acuh.
Dia bilang aku malas!
Cuma berharap-harap cemas.

Bergaya misterius dengan siluet eksentrik.
Ejaanmu yang sentimentil,
terkadang menggoda.

Aku mau yang berbeda..
Kamu yang tidak biasa.
Aku mau kamu.
Kamu mau?

*Tram 8 Toorak 4:10PM*

envious

--are you dying of envy? jealousy?

Loveable.
The one word that says you.
This mind says you! you. Yes you! to be near and not an inch parted ways. Surprisingly sweetness, its the opposite of what the heart wants.
--What do you want anyway? (speaking to own heart)

People around you understands you better.
and thus, jealousy appear?
a definite NO is always the answer.
then, why bother?

It's all about the smiles, baby.
and maybe thats why I bother. :)

don't you wanna know me, but at all?

boys.haas.

sandy blonde hair, broad shoulders, red lips & big bright blue eyes.
Pretty boys, pretty boys. Popular or mysterious?
Pretty boys, u know ure secretly admired..U know ure universally adored.
Pretty boys, pretty boys.. Ure so narcotics, intoxicating, electrifying.
Sweetest blues, diamond eyes, are u here forever?
Is it a chant or is it a prayer?

Dia! Dia! dan Dia!!

Wajar gak kalo kadang2 kita merasa tertarik dengan lawan jenis yang sungguhnya... tiada nyata?
Dia tampan. Seorang terkenal yang hanya terlihat di layar kaca dari mata2 manusia awam ini.
Dia pintar. Seorang yang gak hanya ngandalkan penampilan luar tapi jg brillian on the inside.
tapi mungkin aja semua itu hanya semu belaka.
Arghh.. gantengnya diaaaa!!

isht. ABG banget!

EDAN!

Honestly, got nothin' to write about
Can I just say that I crave for parties, I have no idea why.
I'm not so much of a party-goer but the idea of having a huge rage party these days seems ain't that bad.
I need to scream on top of ma lungs and yell out shits I can't possibly do in mid-days!

Okay, the honest truth? I wanna get out of these crazy nightmares that are not only happening at night, oh no babe, they're also tailin' me in daylights too! thats what creep the hell outta me!

I crave for a thing that I can't possibly tell to any living being alive! not even to a piece of plant hanging outside ma bedroom door. Heck ain't gonna.

Thus why I wanna go to parties where booze and smokes all around. I wanna go wild, for once. Maybe that'll soothe me down a bit. Ha Ha. Crude joke. I'm tired of constantly having these so-called nightmares. Theyre not literally nightmares, but to me, yes.. I'm having this irritating and disturbing thought that is so difficult to tell. As I said, I'm going outta ma mind. Or as Jamie said, ma mind going outta me.

Isht. I need some booze.

Desperate times - desperate measures?!

Mother told me don't look for love
But when I find it just be patient babe
And then my eyes are closing so I guess I have to wait.
I guess I have to wait.
Late at night, I'm thinking of him, don't know if it sounds right
I don't know what he looks like, but he's my babe.
Hell if I will be true
Just as true as God writes, I promise to be his sunlight
Til my dying day.

Hubby where are you,
Hubby where are you,
Hubby where are you
Here I am

So maybe you think, I'm going out of my mind now
Maybe my mind is going out of me
And then my eyes are closing so just how am I to see?

[the reverse lyric of 'wifey - Jamie Cullum'.]

FYI: Ain't a hubby I'm lookin for now. A lover wud be the right delivery. *halah!*

The One with the Ick Factor

Theres a tale. A shocking untrue story.
A dream.
It shudnt be treated with overly disgusted feeling nor ickiness.
Why he had to be in the dream?
He's the ick element in the dream...
He, who shudnt be anywhere near in anyone's mind. Not me, Not I.
The thought is extremely icky. I Feel Icky!
any thought of this (of Him!) is weird.
Lust maybe, but none else!
Help.. Help me put out the disturbing mind games.

yoU.K

Oh I miss youu..
You whose name I prefer not to recall.
You whom I foolishly bashed since that day you said 'hello'.
You faraway yoU.K You!
You! A thousand times You.
Pride, Pride, Pride.
Apologize is never enough. But I AM sorry.
have the very best life, You.
I miss You so. Do You know?
Where are You? Where have You gone?
Foolish me. I did not feel the love. You.
Dearest.. You.

Miss You..

I know I've stayed in Aussie for quite long time, 4 years is reasonable amount of time to miss all's that familiar to you. It never hit me this hard that I'd miss everything back home. Yes, I've lived for quite a while away from Indo and still cant call this place 'home'. Instead, every holiday I kept asking myself, "will I buy a ticket home?". Gak pernah nyangka kalo gue bakalan kangen semuanya, dari baik sampe nistanya keadaan Indo gue.. terlebih lagi di bulan ini. Di bulan Ramadhan gue gak ngerasa seperti ngalamin bulan Ramadhan. Gue terlalu caught up ama kehidupan duniawi gue. Yeah apalagi kalo bukan kuliah" biadab itu. I've tried to hid it, even to deny it. tapi yah.. denial denial denial terus. Capek.

Tabuh berbunyi gemparkan alam sunyi
Berkumandang suara adzan
Mendayu memecah sepi
Selang seli sahutan ayam

Know the lyric? It's nasyid by Raihan. Amazing huh that I'm listening Raihan. Dengerin Raihan gue langsung keinget smua kegiatan" Ramadhan di Indo. Dari keramaian Subuh sampe Maghrib. Dari acara" sinetron yang Oh-So-Lame sampai acara ceramah" Rohani di waktu Subuh & menjelang Maghrib. Keramaian Ramadhan yang dimana gak hanya segelintir orang tapi semuanya menjalani ibadah puasa yang bikin suasananya ngena banget. Ah, gue aja kali yang lagi melloww.. ato gue sebenernya udah muak ama this oh-so-boring city? Mbuh lah.

Kayaknya sih gue lagi ngalamin apa yang Joey alamin. Everyone's moving on dan gue disini nge-deny everything that goes forward. Kalo gue pengecut, gue bakalan lari (lagi). Kalo gue udah dewasa dan wiser, gue bakalan cope and moving on juga. I'll need every strength I can get to pursue the latter. Bismillahirrohmanirrohim.

Just because...

I can't get enuff. I'm addicted. Intoxicated.
They never fail to lighten my days...
I thought of almost forgetting how to smile..
Because of them.. Now I'm smiling.
.... to have butterflies everytime I see them.
.... to feel all over the moon just listening to them voices.
They reminded me, How to be happy, once more.
And I'm lovin' the days. Because of them..

Samar-samar terdengar lantunan lagu keith martin * Because of you, my life has changed, thank you for the love and joy you bring... Because of Youuuuuu *

Psst...

I met a Sean. He is that blue jacket guy. He's tall, brown hair, egg-shaped face, and he's always sit in front row. I looked at the board, I got a glimpse of him, smiling. He seems nice. He seems alright.
Curious. Checked on each fingers, especially the 'special one'. Yes. None. Clean. So, available then? *hm...*

I am such a stalker.
*sigh*

Err... tentang KLBK

Lelaki itu tidak pernah terjangkau. Lelaki itu sudah diambil perempuan lain. Sebal! Tetapi, memang tidak pernah ada sebuah cerita tentang dia dan aku. Pintu menuju dunianya pernah tertutup sesaat. Sekarang pintu itu pelan pelan terbuka lagi. Semua kenangan masa lalu kembali mengoyak kesadaranku. Kehidupan nyataku. Hari-hari ini terisi dengan senyuman...
Sayangnya, Aku tidak akan dewasa dengan kembalinya Dia di kehidupanku.

~ Memang dia lebih baik hanya menjadi kenangan saja..
Yet I cannot help it! I crave him!
He's my proximity infatuation*

*quote taken from vanilla sky

Ooh La La ~

POG. SIXSATIONAL !!
[ p.255 ]

Aaahh...
Oooh La La :">
*ABG Ketinggalan Jaman*

Really want to write much much more. Yet, it is way to embarassing even to this page.
Ha Ha
For those who can break the code. Shh.. keep it secret. Keep it safe, okay ;-)

..If it were up to Me...
Who I want to Meet:
You, who see me when I'm invisible.

Oh Boy!

[on the road, leaving the jet plane]

"Kid, I've been from one side of this galaxy to the other..
> I happen to like nice men
I'm nice.."
*Star wars

D, I know exactly what you're thinking.
Imaginary never last. An Absolute fairytale.

Wondrous in a dreamy kinda way

Question:
Does admiring star wars equals to 'geekiness'?

Let alone quoting a scene of han solo and princess leia. (Ha!)
What more humiliation can be worst than this?

--- MM, another fairytale. Too perfect to even come close as virtual reality.
Fairytale intoxication!
Virtual insanity.

[on white sheets of a suite hotel room]

It settles then.
There's a certain fact that a genius in science and also has massive musical talent, not to mention gorgeous in every bit of bone structure is a magnifico fantasy.
What can be more perfecto than that. I'd tell you...
None. Nada. Nil.

Even genius Einstein wasn't that hot either now did he?
What about Mozart or Bethoven? Um, none for my taste thank you.
See.. Nobody's perfect. Not even close as she potrayed.

Ah, Alas. A legitimate delusion over fairytale fantasy.
A wishful thinking of perfection, which of course, non-existent!
A temptress beauty of a poison ivy, intoxication is inevitable.
Truly is, infatuation persist.

*Sigh*

The euphoria continues..

That yellow painted house,
the dark ancient theatre and mysterious grand piano,
At last the long winding road.

We thought you were a young pretty girl with your long blonde hair and red cheeks.
We thought you were just another ordinary glimpse of the moment
Even you asked einstein to be yous tutor
It's a secret no one knows

Plant a seed, plant a flower, plant a rose
You can plant any one of those
Keep planting to find out which one grows
It's a secret no one knows

No one really knew.
You proved us wrong.
Years later..
We found the shiny ring on your finger.
Months gone by..
Ezra is welcomed into this wilderness universe.

Yes, now you really have proven us wrong.
The thought of a young pretty girl vanished.
For you trully now is a father of two.

Forgive our mistakes.
Yet, it was priceless memories.

Ezra and penelope.. Welcome to the world :)

Are You Listening?

YES, indeed. Loud and Clear babe. Loud and Clear.

But honey, tonight technology failed me. That. And a pair of extremely hideous jeans[!]
Finally. Oh man. Years and Years have gone by. From an angelic childhood til innocent no more. From uniform to university. From young boys to a father of two. Long journey aint it?
Very, indeed.
Lots have had happened. Seven Years.

From ba duba dop to Cigars in the summertime. Imaginary infatuation no more. Yes, it has become evident. Yet, infatuation is nearly fade. Oh well.

Wish to learn some of the words before actually reached the venue. But hell yeah, it was all good. Dark and Dusty Ancient Theatre doesn't really affect anyone. It was almost as a secret society. Intriquing.
Venue was almost perfect. Better seating, Better view. But alas, technicality was another calamity. Frustrated and Huge dissapointment there was.

As for documentation, well.. deepest condolences for there was none. Well, there were some, but satisfaction was incomplete.
For D: Wish to be there with you at Score. Must've been a blast compared to today. *Sigh*
You know what, they weren't as I thought they would be. Yet again, just another ordinary redneck. Not much amusement there. Hmm.

But anyway,
At least there is no longer obsession. No more imaginary infatuation, for it now becomes a mere infatuation :)
Lovely.
Noone knows exactly whats the feeling inside, at this moment in time.
None. Noone.
Smiles cannot be taken away. For it's all I have at this time.
Regrets nothing.
It's just between Me, Music, and Rock & Roll Baby!! :)
I'm Lovin' It.

Waking up this morning
Thinking this can't be real
But they say there is nothing love can't heal
Why don't you come on down
So you can feel what I feel
*Underneath

Runaway Run

Run Run Runawayy Runn..

Dan larilah dia.. Lari Lari...
Belum sempat kusentuh, Belum sempat kudekati..
Paranoia..
Seperti melihat setan.

Ah, It's noone's fault.
it's just a foolish fairytale.

Eh, Cerita ini tidak berhenti disini.
Tidak ada awal,
Kenapa harus ada akhir?

Aku yang bermimpi,
kenapa harus menyalahkan orang lain?
Mimpi tidak harus menjadi sebuah realita.
Seperti sekarang.
Mimpiku tidak harus menjadi nyata.
Karena,
SEMUA INI KHAYALAN BELAKA!!!

Obsession

Gettin' tired of the craze obsession
Hollow and foolish
Faint at heart
Forgive me not, dearest...
I miss you but I love you, Not.

Love Fool

Love me love me
say that you love me
fool me fool me
go on and fool me
love me love me
pretend that you love me
leave me leave me
just say that you need me
*The Cardigans