I'm just another girl next door. Tryin' to dig deep into the meaning of life. Strugglin' for years, to come out of the surface and finally find what i'm looking for. Stranded in the desert rose away from the world she has known for her entire life and just tryin' to get another reason to survive
.... And I can't do it on my own.
Just about..
Ecstatic!
I'm SO excited I could Die! ...well, not literally.
I just found this new online community (in which the name I would not say here for privacy reason, mine alone! hoho), and I. AM. SO. HAPPY!
They said it's real, and I kinda believe it. They whole gang are there!! My long life dream is to have this slightly real connection to them and not just delusional portray of me and them that only exists in the dream. No, this is REAL. Almost.
It's VIRTUALLY real. Yet, I'm alright with that. I'm so happy I nearly choked. OH dear God, thankgoodness for the Internet. Viva le Internet!
I only hope that the page ain't another hoax. They said it's not, and I believe them.
They are apart thousands miles away... but they seems just around the corner. Updating their not-so-ordinary life into my simplest life.
Aah.. I'm Lovin' it.
PS: Deeee, again, it's about the 'bapak'. hohoho.. eh got this unbelievable page about si 'bapak'. Wanna know? Oh man, u'd gotta be ecstatic just like I am now!hahaha :">
Ngeblog ampe goblog
I promised myself to finish the damn assignment this sunday, but hey, I havent write one single word onto the paper!! Instead, I wrote so many words onto the three blogs I have!! imagine that! In my defense, I'm bored with all the business type reports. I need to write something that are more interesting, instead of analysing business situation or what new product will be successful for its first launch in the market. I'm in a dead-end point where I dont know what I want to do and what I'm passionate about. This sucks cos I'm not gettin' any younger. At certain age, you have to get a hold up of yourself and think, do I wanna be daddy's little girl for my entire life?
I'm so sick of this uni life that I've thought many times of quitting. Get a job or sumtin. After studying marketing for almost 2 semesters, I kinda thought that I'm taking, once more, course that I dislike. This kinda depressing cos I'm not passionate about what I do and every tasks they gave me are always puts my brain to certain disturbance. Studying marketing makes me think that I'm stupid, which is not entirely true. I know I'm not stupid, I'm just overly lazy thats all. I can be inexplicably lazy when I'm not passionate and not even interested in things I'm sposed to do. People should have at least interest to do their tasks superbly, shouldnt they? What if the situation is not as perfect as it is descibed? I'm really just in a dead-end point where I need to make decision. Decision to forgo the thing that I myself have firstly chose, but regret afterwards; or be a quitter and again got lost somewhere in the jungle of uncertainties. I wanna say I"d better chose the first than the latter, but then again, I will not be happy. It's confusing innit? Or it is just me whom love to make everything so complex and cause my own unnecessary dillema?
The entire day I had today was totally unproductive. I read read read, nothing but blogs. Oh again, I'm a complete porky today. I ate a whole lot of mum's cooking. And I mean A LOT! This really not helping me to get any healthier each day. I'm a porky pork who don't excercise and do nothing but sits in front of whatever visually attracts me, be it computer or tv, or even stove heating the food! This not good. Very NOT good.
I just wonder, Do TV makes us an Idiot? Does our brain got damaged by watching TV all day, everyday?
It's highly possible that TV has crippled the damned nation!
Ha! another scapegoat for my whinging episode. Great.
PS: I hate being stupid!
Make Poverty History
the hype of white band. It's for good cause. "We're not asking for your money, we're asking for your voice". The world has reach its toll. It's gettin' old as a second goes by. As a being with lives, as old as they can get, the weaker they are. They said the baby boomers have overpopulated the earth. Thus, the signs of people gettin' older, the world too has been overexploited its' strengths. It no longer fulfilled human's excessive necessities for the resources it contains have long gone. People on some parts of the world have not yet tasted the merits of alive. Starvation, poverty, illiteracy, and disease are to mention some conditions that these people partake of. Make Poverty History is an effort to make changes, to make history. They know, baby boomers themselves are not enough to fill in the quota. They need their babies, the next generation, the younger them. They understand that to seek attention of these new generation, they need to think as one them. Hence, the most influential celebrities collaborate in 'one-word' campaign. Ad 'click' have been aired around the universe. They don't need money, They need your voice. Every 3 seconds, people are dying. This is what theyre trying to change. Every 3 seconds, people will live. Together theyre trying to do good cause. People with no differences of races, culture, religions, even gender, are hand-in-hand to make the world a better place to live. No rich or poor are separated from the 'gap'. We are One, as they said.
the one about music
Adoring fans screaming the hella of their lungs just for their most-fave band. They said that to form a band is to devote their lives to music. "THE MUSIC LIVES" is how their life motto has embedded their mind and soul. To be in a band is to have fans, thats what music means to them. Over the years lovers have come and gone, but the music stays as the band remains formed. As businesses everywhere, music has another story behind all the fun, famous and orgy. Music industry itself is also covered with their own politics, social, economic intrusions. Some who'd bluntly ignore these will be stumbled off stones over their heads if they don't market their music well and trully listened to their own tunes. The Brothers did ignore the dirrty politics behind their music and struggled themselves to get back up to the surface after being completely knocked down not long after they ditched their label. Now they've survived. Once again, their music LIVES. Thanks to their most effort to form fanbase since their first debut "Ba duba dop". The fans are forever loyal to their taste of music and forever will be.
On a lighter note, the frontman of any band will always get the first "look", not only from the fans and the whole wide world, but also from the label company itself. You (yes You!) as the frontman has to "look" as what the industry wants you to be. You (again YOU!) has become their puppet... a product. The music has labelled you to whatever being they have chosen you to become. The Punk-Rock dudes and dudettes, the Cheeky Chicas, Miss Pop diva and Dirrty Pop doll, the Hot and The-hot-not, From "Miss hillary duff" to "Marilyn manson". Interesting how music have transformed every so-called musician from an idealist to "public spender".
Yellow was their first single. Frontman Martin was skinny as any young boy can be. Music has another "build up" favor to him. Years passed since yellow was first played. Now, all you know coldplay is chris martin. Thank goodness, they also have excellent music. Their music do lives, albeit, the hotness labelled to the member (or memb-ers?).
Snowy Mountain
Hari ini perjalananku ke tanah tertinggi bersalju bernamakan mt. buller memakan waktu kurang lebih 3.5 jam. Gak terlalu jauh untuk melihat salju bertebaran di sekitar jalan tempat kita berpijak.
Dari atas sana, Semua terlihat putiihh bersiih... Langit dan matahari serasa berada di dekapan kita. Kita seperti layaknya berkedip-kedipan dengan penghuni kerajaan langit. Saking dekatnya, ketika menengadah ke atas aku dan penghuni langit seperti melirik satu sama lain. Ah, berlebihan. Tetapi langit itu serasa sangat dekat dengan permukaan salju yang ku pijak. Dunia terlihat luas dan putih bersih layaknya tiada debu dan kekacauan. Luas tanpa terbatas. Indah.
darn!
Why do I have to be born stupid?
The brain processing is so slow and limited.
Is there a genius shop around the corner, somewhere?
I might just well shop for a new brain. How exciting!
Arghh I'm so sick of being stupid I think I'll vomit!
... I hate my brain.
muak
Apa salah kalo gue egois?
Berdosakah gue kalo egois?
Kenapa gue harus selalu ngalah?
Semua kemarahan dan kesabaran gue ada batasnya.
Dan gue gak yakin, gue bisa tahan lebih lama lagi..
Gue muak!!
Gue capek!!
Will YOU grow up!!
between Truth, and Dare.
It's time to go. Time to Leave.
Broaden the horizon, flap your wings.
Across the wide open sky,
Through the blazin' wind.
Time to taste the dirt, the flaws, the rain,
And all that sorrow.
Yet do I dare?
Dare me, Will you not?
I Hate Mondays
Monday is the first day of the week.
That very first day, people start to do again their daily activities, business and academic wise.
They said, they hate Mondays. They don't like that very first day of the week. Somehow they'd like to turn back time to when Friday ends and time would just forever froze there. Then the world would just be another million days of weekends. They loathe the day Monday.
Strangely, however, I like Mondays. I like the fact that on the day Monday the world has again begin its cycle. Birds chirpin' makes life seems simple and alive whilst living in this buzzing corporate world. Yet they will fly away when people are too caught up in their own world that the simplest things are forgotten. So why bother singing to these people?
Mondays are always full of entertainment. That is, why I love Mondays. TV always have their way to seek attention from its' viewers. That's when I came in. 6 pm til 2 am. Non Stop. Addicted, I am. From Ten to SBS, all give their best efforts. Many alternatives and options to select from. Hella entertainment! Yes, what are we but the generation Y, with TV is everything in our mind. Amazing how they've brainwash our brain...
But don't matter,
I like Mondays. the end.
Psst...
I met a Sean. He is that blue jacket guy. He's tall, brown hair, egg-shaped face, and he's always sit in front row. I looked at the board, I got a glimpse of him, smiling. He seems nice. He seems alright.
Curious. Checked on each fingers, especially the 'special one'. Yes. None. Clean. So, available then? *hm...*
I am such a stalker.
*sigh*
Err... tentang KLBK
Lelaki itu tidak pernah terjangkau. Lelaki itu sudah diambil perempuan lain. Sebal! Tetapi, memang tidak pernah ada sebuah cerita tentang dia dan aku. Pintu menuju dunianya pernah tertutup sesaat. Sekarang pintu itu pelan pelan terbuka lagi. Semua kenangan masa lalu kembali mengoyak kesadaranku. Kehidupan nyataku. Hari-hari ini terisi dengan senyuman...
Sayangnya, Aku tidak akan dewasa dengan kembalinya Dia di kehidupanku.
~ Memang dia lebih baik hanya menjadi kenangan saja..
Yet I cannot help it! I crave him!
He's my proximity infatuation*
*quote taken from vanilla sky
brighter note.
I've read this page over and over. and over again.
These writings are all depressing arent they? I feel bad for those who actually read these rubbish. A friend of mine once told me to write something on the other side of the road. The carnies, clowns and parties. Well, point is, write happy notes.
I'll think about it.
PS: Today is Indonesian's Independence Day. Exactly at 6 pm today, I read a friend's writing that said, "Apa iya kita sudah benar2 merdeka?". It certainly twists a hell lot of my mind. Maybe I'm just a stoopid girl to question such remark.
lebih baik tidak berjudul...
Gue capek, mentally. Akhirnya, another breakdown. Spertinya penyakit yang kumat"an. Capek Capek Capeeekkkkkkkkkkk!!!!!!!!!!! AGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH
Gue gak mo cerita.
Tadi gue skip kelas sales management, dari flinders ke parliament, lalu balik arah ke crown. Gue kira nonton bisa fresh up pikiran gue, mood gue. Ternyata, gak guna tuh. Udah jam 9 malam. Turun tram. Jalan kaki. Cari rute terjauh untuk pulang. Bulan terang diatas kepala gue. Tepat diatas gue, di langit luas. Sendiri. Gak ada bintang" lain yang nemenin dia. Seperti aku. Bedanya, dia di langit, aku di bumi. Gak penting kan?
Gue jalan. jalan. jalan. dan terus berjalan. lampu dari dalam kios yang kosong nyala dengan terang. Langkah kaki gue makin terpatah patah. Lamban dan terseret seret. Hanya untuk mencapai pintu gerbang abu abu itu. Kunci satu terbuka. Kunci kedua terbuka. Pintu putih itu pun lalu terbuka. Ah, kembalilah gue ke dunia nyata. Kepalaku pening, ketawaku palsu, mulutku terkunci. Lagi Lagi.
Gue mo nangis. Tapi sepertinya itu juga dilarang. Gue kuat bukan? Omong kosong.
Capek. Capek. Capeek. Kapan tanggung jawab ini bisa di bagi berdua? Karena gue bisa meledak any time soon. Worst case scenario, selamat datang, kamu gila!
Sadar tidak?
Elo nyadar nggak kalo blog udah terlalu banyak di kunjungi sesama bloggeters/tress, maka blog itu akan menjadi sangat komersil. Dari tata bicara dan design layout. Kalau gue baca blog akan mulai dari beberapa postings terbaru mereka. Lalu, beralih ke beberapa postings pertama mereka. The very first postings, when they just knew about blogging. Fascinating how u'd find they have evolved. Tidak semua. Tapi beberapa yang sudah gue temukan saja. Lucu gimana mereka dulu sangat idealis dan terbuka tanpa ada batasan. Lalu, datanglah kroco kroco ini dengan berjuta-juta komentar. Dirimu menjadi sangat komersil dan, yeah, populer. Apa yang mereka komentarkan tentang tulisan mu, itulah yang akan seterusnya menjadi ciri khas dirimu. Idealisme lo menjadi pudar. Larut seiring dengan hujan pujian dari pemuja" setiamu. Mungkin gue salah, Mungkin ini hanya prasangka" buruk gue (spt biasa). Entah lah.
Bayangkan, hari ini gue nulis 3 (TIGA!) kali dalam sehari. 2 dari 3 itu tertulis karena blog elo sangat mungkin mengintimidasi gue. Tapi setelah hampir semua tulisan" itu dibaca, elo itu bukan seseorang yang gue bayangkan sebelumnya.
Kamu, si penulis populer.
Apa di diri setiap manusia mempunyai dua kepribadian yang berbeda? Aku dan kamu sepertinya sama, tapi entah bagaimana, berbeda. Di satu sisi kamu tertawa terbahak" dan terlalu peduli dengan perkataan orang". Di sisi lain, kamu terlihat terlalu serius dan terjepit di kehidupan yang terlalu pahit. Kamu menjadi angkuh sekaligus menarik. Sebenarnya, kamu itu siapa? Bukannya sok tahu, tapi menurutku kamu adalah dua orang yang berbeda. Tetapi, apa itu mungkin? Mungkinkah dunia badutmu itu hanya sebuah kedok untuk menutupi keadaan dirimu sebenernya? Kalau iya, lalu apakah aku dan kamu sama? Di sisi manakah kamu berusaha bersembunyi?
Aku hanya bingung.
On ramblings.
Its 1 AM. I'm not amused.
I may put on smiley face, grinning without care. Yet at the end of the day, is it what I feel inside? If so, then why now I'm restless as I can ever be. Am I tired of foolin' others and at the same time, myself as well?
Frown. Not as a clown.
Hide. no one's seeking.
Dark. Only in your mind. Light's so bright outside.
What exactly I'm tryin' to find?
again, Am I running away?
or simply ashamed? Of what though?
Why don't I have the courage to broaden the horizon?
Instead being locked up in a dungeon with only a matron and cell mate.
Confused. Trying to rationalize all thoughts in my head. But you know, my mind's just playin' a fool out of me.
I don't know why I'm strangely upset. In total agony and jealousy. Over nothing.
I have one too many days caught up with my own thoughts.
Do you know how many times a day I said 'I' and/or thinking about my own-self?
Million times.
Too many question marks unjustified. So, why questioned them?
Ah again with the questions.
I'm terribly upset. Don't ask me why. Don't even tell me to 'cheer up'. Cos I'm in the lowest low of any human being's contentment.
One thing for sure though, I envy them. They, who know how to put themselves in their own shoes and say, 'Hey, I'm Okay'.
Shh! I've got a secret
Dirty little secret. Itsy bitsy secret. To know and not to know. Deliberate ignorance.
Would you be the one to sat beside me? Emotions pun intended.
Desire and Guilt equals Sins. Hence, aren't we all sinners?
They said that we are. Yet, those people said it's the 21st century.
The time to act on our freewill. Away from traditions and religions.
It's a breeze of fresh air. As I would like to believe.
Oh well.. It's all a mind's game.
Is it not?
~ do you know what the secret is?
O Captain, my Captain
All of our entire lives, there are people who always try their best efforts to please other people, especially their parents. Is that the reason for us to be born? Parents expect a gazillion future for their children, that could also include planning and controlling almost these kids' life. Assuming their way of life are of the greatest. Kids' are sometimes mortified to even say NO! They are not afraid of their own life, but mostly the rebellion acts would cause dissapointment to their loved ones.
Kid, whom youre tryin' to please?
Aren't you tired yet?
Cos I do.
Although, I know how you feel. It ain't easy to let go.
All the expectations and all that your mind's telling you of what you are.
Subconsciously, it's either you love being labelled the perfect kid
or
You hate the idea to dissapoint your parent(s)?
....Sometimes, it is both.
You know.. they will never change. It is you to decide when to agree and disagree. Cos baby, it also ain't pretty to fly solo. Abandonment you may feel when you least expected.
So.. is it the time to embrace
"Carpe, Carpe diem, seize the day, make your lives extraordinary."
the one about journals.
Remember the good ol' days when writings are all about ink and papers. Journals and diaries are the habits of those who loves to write and/or merely trying to speak up their minds in less vocal approach. Little pocket notebooks with their tiny keychain, the silent witness of your memories. Several pocket notebooks are safely hidden inside the black drawer. It is locked. There, burried the entire collection of this young child's fad life. Daily records of a child on being just an actual kid.
These are her treasure. The Scraps of life in one wooden box.
All started with the share of heart and laughs of two teenage girls. Away from the elders.
Life was.. amazing.
Day and night filled only with laughter and cheeky giggles. Boys. Schoolboys. They started to intrigued their minds. Interested of the opposite sex, would that be so sinful? Late night chats turned to long distance correspondence. They told each other everything. 'til the tid bits detail. This perhaps, the first record of two young girls and their daily journals.
Although..
There were some secrets this kid couldn't even tell her dear cousin. Hence came the little pocket notebooks with pretty fairy images and gold locket keychain. Thereafter those white paper sheets were the other side of her that not a person knows.
I remember that little girl with all her love and laughter. All is recorded neatly on her pocket notebooks. I smiled when I knew how naive and innocent she was, through those words she tried not to speak out. No tears were necessarily poured down her chubby red-cheeks.
She was... happy.
That little girl grew up. Left all ink and papers behind and thought that writing is not cool. Away she was from a geeky portray. Until.. it came. The plague of achin' heart. She mute just because all's torn apart. There, she found once more a solace companion to kept her unspoken words. Anguish, despair and several foolish doings. Torn between a wise adult and a young 18.
Years and years have gone by. Now she's finally at peace with her heart. She knows that life is sometimes worth sharing. Hence, you was born.
Readings.
I like to pretend that I'm not some moronic ignorant who is an actual clueless. Hence, to overcome such pretentious accusation, I recently have the addiction of buying and/or borrowing some cultured Books. A Bookshop last week had special 20% book sale for students and teachers only. So! It's time to overcome this crave for intellectualities. Ergo, I bought 3 books based on intriguing cover, quick-witted review, and most importantly the technicals (i.e. fonts, spacings, and thickness of books). Yet again, I have several books I bought from Indo that 're still standing quietly on the white bookshelf, waiting to be read.
What's On The Reading List.
Wanna take a peek?
See.. Sok pinter kan gue?
C u r r e n t l y: ngos2-an baca Don't think pink. Menarik tapi statistiknya data amerika semua. Bit turn off nya disitu. Tapi ya, wajar aja. This is an american book. Duh.
I love the atmosphere in this city. People commute on train and they make the most of their journey through reading. This habit sorta got into me quite a bit. I can concentrate more when reading books during commute time. Perhaps, I can finally finish reading all those books on the shelf that are waiting quietly to be read. Yes, just another possibility. :)
Hokay. I'm done and outta hee-yre (this means 'here' btw).
Winter Chills.
Leaves have left their skinny branches to survive on themselves in this winter weather. They're not the best of companions are they? Not 'til death parts us. Not for sickness and for health. Not forever I'll stand by you. Rants of rubbish are those I speak of.
The sun took turns to have a peek through this windy breeze. Lighten us with warmth and fuzzy feeling. Gaze at the wide blue skye, you'd realise how blessed you are to feel alive. Live life to the fullest. Yet, they don't tell us how.
But for now, let the skye brightens our days. The day of days. Just for this moment, appreciates the beautiful blue painting on God's infinite canvas. The Simple life.
Freaky Frizzy
Hari ini rambut gue keriting
Kriwil2 seperti cacing
Angin datang tanpa diundang
Ih sebal gue!
Dibuatnya kusut si rambut baru
Terbang melambai mengikuti arah sang bayu
Eh. Aneh. Sangat.
Gue tidak berambut keriting.
Lalu ada apa dengan celotehan ini?
Rambut lurus gue berubah keriting dalam semalam!
OH TIDAAKK!!!
Kembalikan rambut aslikuu!!
(c) gakpenting.com
Check this Out.
"Happiness is a dollar away"
What do you think?
Is your happiness just about a dollar away? Is happiness can be measured in any nominal scale? If it can, is it cheap?
... Or, is it that easy to attain?
People who are spooned of happiness in their entire life, they most probably to agree with the statement -OR- they merely understand.
Nevertheless, Am I just being overly prejudice of the sense of happiness or Am I too jealous and heart broken noticing that there are happy people out there?
Am I the Broken Angel?
Uuh, Angel? Perhaps not. :-P
What does happiness, really? Is it overrated?
Happiness is overrated. As life is. It's just full of odd smells and dissapointment*. Yet we live in such ways of life. Happiness is one of them. So is it really achievable? Does positive thinking might have its' charm to get us through life? Does it?
Yet, some people who are wrapped up with happiness still aren't satisfied. Hence began the search for inexplicable adventurous moments of their life. Pieces by pieces of that perfect happiness are fallin' apart. Thereafter, agony and despair drive you insane. So.. Is this life?
[I know it hurts. But it's life, and it's real. And sometimes it fucking hurts, but it's life, and it's pretty much all we got*]. Maybe this is all there is. All is fucked up. There's good and there's bad.
So I would say..
Happiness ain't one dollar away. It's not meant to be measured up (nor down). Take it as it is. Paradoxical essence in our nuisance life. (does it make any sense or is it just another foolish talk?)
Oh well. Just another knee-jerk cynic who is so sick in the head. :-P
