2 AM:

Kia ora,

I learnt new words today. That's greetings in Maori. Watched Whale Rider on TV and so touched with their cultures. Wonder why there's no aboriginal movie in Aussie?

Can't wait for July to come. InshaAllah I'll be standing on the field where Aragorn and Frodo went during their fellowship journey. Can't wait to see Maori cultures with its' Haka dance and eat Maori food. Hopefully, canoeing is an option and whale watching is a must-see. A ten days holiday would discover the fuss on Kiwi's accents compared to Aussies'. Ergo which is more annoying to the ears? *lol* Dilemma occurs on docos for this trip. Better with moving or still images?

Oh! I just found out where NZ located. It's an isolated island on south pacific ocean. Mind you, It's freezing cold during winter.

Off the topic.. the dude called. Asked about the parcels. Gah! He annoys me. What's with the continuous remark on 'looking for the one' ?! Question is, how'd he know? Was is just a joke? Bloody oath whatta telepathic joke indeed.

I shud do my research on 7-11 now. I'm still hating the fact that she allocated the tasks without discussing it with the group. Dang! why no one else complaint?! Anyhoo, assignment's still assignment we must do. S'okay lah.

FYI: Dont you think Paikea's a lovely name? The girl who played Paikea named keisha someone really looks like Nicholas Saputra, I reckon.

Ya sudahlah ..........Ka kite!

wouldn't it be great to be...

Paris Hilton?

Yeah, I was just thinking of it. Don't have to boiled your brains out to get Uni degrees. Don't have to wake up every morning to go to work. The world is my oyster. I can dull my brains out but the days wouldn't go mundane. Most of all, I'd still have loads of cash stashed in the bank and my purse filled with unlimited credit cards. That's life.

How life's unfair when you don't have Conrad Hilton as a grandad.
This is not about long term happiness. Just a minor excitement of not thinking about survival.
With loads of cash and prestige status of a major hotel heiress, who wouldn't think life's a blessing?

Maybe someone could pitch in a reality show of Hilton's swap? *evil laugh*

Autumn cheer

Brown leaves scattered on the ground
Windy breeze whispers soundly near my ears
I wonder, why autumn came late this year?
Has time cheated on me?

It's a year passed. Another autumn breeze come knocking on the door.
I love these brown leaves falling on the green garden.
Brown and green collide in one season.
As if summer won't let go and insist to stay regardless seasons changed.
But the days begin too cold to sunbathe on the beach but warm enough to walk in the city.

Breathe deep.
Let the smell of a new season whisks all emotions. Let the wind fly away your miseries.
As I walked at nearby park, I know this autumn has just started.
Also the beginning of my next chapter. It's a close book, not easy to read. But the stories are always continuous. New chapters to another mystical and twisted tales that are not yet written but are in mind. Hopefully, autumn will greet me many joyful days and just a drop of tear.

At this glorious season, who wouldn't feel loved?
The anxiety comes with great excitement. Not knowing what the season this year will give me. Love that won't hurt when you're still in love. Tale of a girl and its' city. Very Carrie Bradshaw in Sex and the City, but minus the sex. ;)

that bitch!

Hate when people bosses me around. If she's my superior at work that'd be forgiven. But she's nobody! just a mate, a uni mate!! Goshdarnit lady you pushed me buttons! I hate you bossing me around all the year. HATE YOU HATE YOU HATE YOUU!!!

I wish my bitching-buddy is still in a group with me. She'd know how to push her off to sideway. I think I'm a pushover. Gah! That crazy bitch with her obnoxious teacher attitude. Why she assigned us tasks without compromising with the group? WHO MADE HER TEAM LEADER??? NONE I tell you , NO-ONE!! whatta bitch.

I want to confront her, but just donno how. I mean what words should came outta ma mouth without having a fight with her. Well, I often fight with her, but for her those just arguments (which are fixable!). Dasar mbegoo! mbodohh! GUOBLOG!!

kancutz dah!

Mondeyneity, a word? *_*

I donno wat the title is. I donno wat this post will be about. I donno anything cos I'm no mood to think.

I'm currently waiting for my baby to come. It's a marc jacobs'. I've been checking it out since weeks! Finally won the bid and sent out the cash today and waiting anxiously to come in a week *fingers cross* I'm indulging myself with useless luxuries, namely, marc jacobs (got it!), Louis' mizi and speedy, oscar waltz' macha. I know theyre bunch of useless crap but a useless crap with pride. I'm a bitch arnt I? Whatta snob. hate it.

As much as I dislike this girl who at first have resemblance to my personal life. Eek! Reality check? Big no-no. She thinks she's all that, but girl, you ain't got none! You act like youre paris hilton, minus enormous wealth and the striking tall blonde caucasian. Good God girly, you have so much pride in you. I dont know you but I dislike you. period.

FYI, it's about a girl I dont know but she's already annoyed me.

You know what, Aussie has its' own brokeback mountain Heath Ledger. I know heath is Aussie, but what I meant was the character in brokeback. Ok ok in simple words, there's a gay dude who's also a cowboy (or farmer, same diff?), and ON TV! Poor miss camilla, you now complaint alot about davo cos he aint giving you the hots anymore huh. When you used to have all tingly feelings any annoyance he made was all cuddly and flirtatious means. Bah. So obvious you hate davo's guts now eh? (for giving you mixed signals early on, not being the gay that he is).

YES YES PEOPLE. It's big brother in da house. It's not yet a week, already people cried, flirt, kissed and more. Men will be men and girls love their attentions.

Off the topic (was there a topic?),
Do you find it creepy when a guy out of nowhere came up to you and introduced himself and started to asked you out? It's not in a bar nor pub nor hang out places, but in a tram?! a public transport where people just wanna go from place to place but hey for him it's as good as a bar to hook up with girls. Dude, they've sed theyre 15! FIFTEEN(!!!) give it up will ya. You too old, you should be in jail!

Oh, got news today. on wednesday I have this sorta interview for casual job at coles supermarket. I didnt quite hear what the caller was saying hence bit vague on the exact time to be there and what things I should bring and also, where the place is. HA HA HA bloody idiot. No worries, I sorta know what to bring and the place. The important bit I vaguely understood was the time. So if I'm late on wed, yah bye bye job. I was extremely nervous after the call, but I calmed myself down with a thought that it's not the only casual job I can get. I mean it's just casual not exec jobs like in IBM or Deloitte and the likes. I'm not really expecting on getting the job (at coles). what I really want is to work at information centre in Federation Square. I love tourism. Maybe I should try apply as a travel agent? Duh. Like I have the capabilities. Theyre all like, bules?

started with memories, ends with questionmark?

Do you remember high school? My footprints to high school path are washed away. It's been years back, five to be exact. I've heard gazillion stereotypes during those years of high schools. Maybe I went to a nice one (red: nice, not great!). Maybe I was zombied all three years of high school. Maybe I was just v.good at outweighing the good over the bad. But three years there weren't a nightmare.

Hold on. I didn't say that there weren't social strata happening during those three years. There was. The frightening kingdom with king and queen and their princes and princesses. The cool kids and not-so-cool.

Looking back, I was neither.

So why am I bringing this up again?
Drew barymore can have her self-discovery by posing as an underage teenager in a high school yard and play the cool chic card and hence find her the true love... (No, I'm not gonna say, SO CAN I!)

You know what, I donno what I wanna say. Honestly, the past is always pushed back and forgotten. I don remember much being a teenager. Heck I'm like walking through walls these past years. Do I even breathing? Do I even have memories to tell? Are they really my compadres after all? If so, why I'm lost? They were there. There were crowds around me. I was in but come to think of it, I only felt void. They all looked hazy, or was it just my head spinning? Were was I for the past twentytri years? Was I exist? Am I even alive?

... I've checked. Air coming out of my nose, heart's pounding normally, eyes are blinking, I hear music perfectly. I am alive. I do exist. Why void prevails? Was it always been like this eight years ago? I must've been really sad kid. Maybe I am now. Maybe...

This wasn't planned to have an eerie ending. Then again, maybe I'm just telling the truth. The unspoken truth. Rosalind found Orlando, Josie have Sam, Will and Anna always have their secret garden; June and her Joseph, who always sat beside her. Is it that feeling lacking in my life? Maybe. Maybe not. Nevertheless, it could be one of the thing that's missing.

Dear Mr. Shakespeare,
Do you know my Orlando, sir?
Where can I find my Orlando?
Oh please dear kind sir, you found Orlando for Rosalind.
If not much to ask, could you find my Orlando for me?

Wait, priority first!
Dear God, washed away the void I feel inside. It kills.
... then perhaps you could help William find my Orlando for me??
Thanking you in advance!

heartache! heartache!

Uh. dilemma. Hff.. heart's pounding, too much caffeine.
1.05 AM.. 1 more chapter to go. Already I'm seeing spots. *sigh*
Dont mind me. Boredom took control. or stress? ah, either way. either way.

a brief closure

half an hour from now. it's all ended.
I'm officially a year older. Yeah, it starts to get real.
The day begun with a horrid memory.
Hopefully that won't jinx the good all year round. Ameen.
Something's missing tho. Everyone greets for a joyous day today, yet I have a dilemma.
Should I not think too much and just do what the heart says?
The prayers and congratulations always entail the same wish, no need to kiss and tell. Keyword is I've reached the "kudu" age. You know the answer.

But wait, that ain't the dilemma. Nooo.. It's just the matter of having a barbie next weekend or not. Since all close compadres have left the city, no mood to have a gathering anymore. So, whatta major dilemma uh?! Darling darling.. kamu tuh yah..

Out the bad, came in the good.
Big Brother 06 is on AIR! I miss big brother. I miss the house. I miss having free cameras to all the pee-pees. Bhuahahaha pervert mode is V. ON!! najis. Most of all, I miss sharing the excitement to my reality-TV whore buddy. Hu Hu. Last year was SOOOOOOOOOO much fun! ADSL connection and daily FREE live cam? Nothing can top that. *sigh* I miss hotdogs and the twins.

A new hero came to town on this very day. His name's Wil Anderson. He's a cracker jack but laughter is all you need in this ongoing mood swings.

There goes!
A flight to an older age. Few turbulances or smooth sailing journey? I DECIDE.. YEAH I DECIDEE.. *Ms. Lohan on the background*

Cheerios darl!!!

dangit!

woke up at 1PM on sat arvo. Slept for more than 12 hours. Kebo!
Monday 5PM, clock keeps ticking. no consideration to those desperate others.
not the desperate housewives. it's the desperate singletons.

50 more hours.
Friggin' lazy. no motivation, perhaps?
current state: Hating Uni!

GAAAAARGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

somewhat familiar?

On that night in mid-June 2004, this is what he wrote:


"kadang gw ngerasa kalo gw tuh gak cukup dewasa. tapi di suatu saat yang lain gw ngerasa kalo gw over my age. kadang gw ga tau apa yang gw lakuin itu salah hingga gw tau itu salah. gw bingung ama diri gw sendiri. gw ga tau apa gw punya dunia lain dalam kepala gw. ato semua ini hanya bentuk dari khayalan gw belaka. tapi apa yang gw tau adalah kadang gw ngerasa bahwa gw engga pernah bisa untuk berhenti lari dari kenyataan."


at some level, adolescents in their early 20s experience the same phobia. The fear of taking a step forward to maturity. Sometimes, fear took control and running away seems to be right answer. Is it just him and me?
Looking back to all entries -his, mine, her; among others' hidden journals- maybe it's not just me. Maybe we're all just trying on which shoes that best fit to our feet and hence walk out the shop with a big smile on our face. Am I that peculiar to have these thoughts?

Yes, we do love our privacy. I don't want to confront anyone. Let us just be strangers and not knowing each other's reality. Just random people walk free in this cyber world. Hope you don't mind me borrowed your words from your 'peculiar' entry in your 'peculiar' journal.

Everything that I am.

I just realized something today,

It's not the place. It's the people who you're with.

I keep wondering what it feels leaving this city. My runaway reverie.. A place when everything started. Although I've said gazillion times the other place is better than this fair ground I'm standing, but truth is, I don't know if I can live elsewhere. Is it selfish to call it home? Imagine leaving on the next morning sun, I'm suddenly heartbroken. In here, I have the place. There, I have the people. I can't decide.


When the sun shines so brightly in the east shore, Where would I go?

When the City has Fallen Silent...

The city went balistic today. It's forecasted to continue the insanity 'til this weekend ends. Jolly good. At this time of night, nothing worthwhile came to mind. None. Just a soft tone of Mr. Vandross on the background accompanying the silent darkness outside. Peace.. yes, that's what we may all think. Truly, it's not what we really feel. Emptiness is another possibility of another propaganda. Pfuit! Rubbish.

Tomorrow is another day. A day of every young student dreads cos it substract one good day of her mid-break week. Ah, a fellow student. Sucked into the academic twist longer than expected. It's simply a long winding journey of the unknown path. Not realizing what the year ahead will lead them into. For some, they. are. stuck. Wondering where should they move on. Assumed to have all the knowledge needed to survive out there. Some people have tendency to think otherwise. All knowledge supposedly achieved just perhaps covered up as huge lump inside the brain, stuck or too lazy to find a way out. Thus, everything seems mundane, even in daylights. Seems those cheery days are over. Tragic.

It's just another randomness journey in which no destination to pursue. Not today, not the future. An episode of LOST.

journals

we keep them in discreet. we bulk 'em about pasts and present. current updates and chronicle of life. Safely locked deep inside our drawers to no acknowledgement of others. A secret with much pleasure to everyone else's demise. A literary note on nosy little life of ours, society, and the world encircle it.

Simply it is a pleasure for some people but nightmare for others. It's a silent companion for lone soul and the noisy crowds outside. It's every eavesdropper's paradise. A simple silent witness. Or so they assumed...

Virtual makes them not so discreet. "I know about what you know about what they know". It's always a circle of newsflash. This begins with only a person, a journal, and society.

Oh how we love our journals. The best companion a dreamer ever have and other's notorious nightmare.

stardoll!

kerjaan anak males gini nih. duh bete gue blog nya jadi isi sampah. tapi wattudu.. dun wanna put anything else on the other page.

BTW!!
stardoll is juz basically virtual barbie. U dresses 'em up with any clothes u want, or lack thereof whichever. BUT! the difference is on the 'character' of each dolls. U can guess it yerself lah.

Anyhooo, these dolls are alike. I juz changed their clothes thats all. They sed the ladies are jessice simps and lindsay lo. The left pic is me tryin' to put some clothes on these girls. Whilst the right pic, well, dare I say it?! Yes, it's their true form. Boobs flashes everywer. Look how appearance change drastically by changing clothes (and hair). The fully-clothes image is v. goody-two-shoes girlies. The other... well, shud I say it again? Ms. slutly slutensteins. Oh well, u cant call urself fashionista if ure not showin much of ur skin.

intermezzo ii

sekedar omong kosong.

temen gue pnh bilang, klo jodoh lo pasti lgs tau at first sight ato saat chemistry itu ada. Bukan dari proverbs 'witing sutrisno jalaran soko kulino', bukan dari sebuah pertemenan yang panjang, lama dan kadang2 bikin hati sumpek.

Banyak yang bilang, 'you never make friends with the opposite sex without any love interest from one of the related party'. Intinya ya balik lagi ke awal tadi, you don't make your friend your lover!

Tapi bakalan banyak jg yang nimpalin opini itu jugak.
If we don't make friends with our lover, then we just pick random strangers falling out of the blue to be our life partner? But truth is, that works for lots people too though.

Jadi intinya?
Jangan banyak mikirrrrrrrr!!!!!!!!! blech.

intermezzo

*"foto gue narsis? tentunya, kan lagi
JomblO..."

Quote diatas memberi kita pesan untuk: Be a narcisstic-self. Thatll get u a man!


Sumpe bodoonggg... narsis mah narsis waee..
*Quote frm a friend's fs testimonials.

on randoms.

Lagi males nulis2 yang sok penting, sok punya arti, sok penulis handal (?!). Judulnya aja udah 'on randoms', ya random lah yang kalian dapet.

pertama(!)
kenapa sih orang2 slalu nulis 'testi' yang padahal inti sbenernya testimonials di friendster? It's a ridiculous abbreviation for testimonials okay! People might get misconstrued for the word(!) Helloo.. am I the only one who thinks testi is a ridiculous abbreviation?? Please.

trus, knapa orang luar indonesia refer kita sebagai indon, which I think is a bizarre abbreviation (again!). No Indonesians refer themselves as Indons!! None. Not until this one guy who came outta nowher and started adding me to his YM and claimed himself as INDON. Dude.. are u really? Ugh.

Kalo ngitung matematikanya nih ya... gue di Jakarta 18 taun dan di downunder belom juga genap 5 taun. Perbandingannya, gue di Jakarta udah legal to do whatever, disini? Gue masih Balita(!) Tapi, perbedaan terbesar yang gue dapet antara sini dan sana.. Di umur gue yg masih balita ini tapi gue dapet lebihh (i mean LEBIH) banyak belajar tentang tanah kelahiran gue di sini daripada di sana. Meaning, di negara asing gue lebih tau banyak tentang negara asli gue? How bizarre! Research, Journals, Debates, News and everything else lebih bisa gue dapetin disini daripada di 'rumah' gue sndiri padahal yang dibahas adalah tentang 'RUMAH' gue itu sndiri!! ngerti gak? bingung ya? ya uwes.. move on.

Ternyata jadi presiden itu nggak enak. Kenapa saat kita masih SD setiap ditanya 'cita2nya apa?' jawaban gak jauh2 dari 'Aku mau tadi (red: jadi) Plesiden'. Padahal gak tau aja mereka (kita. dulu.) kalo presiden itu gak bisa leha2 nonton the OC.

Knapa sih perempuan harus slalu pengen tampil gaya, perfect, dan CANTIK(?!)

Ada apa nih dengan kerusuhan holiwut with its' all girls gang? Paris hilton nantang Mischa Barton for a catfight (holiwut style)? Kayaknya gak di holiwut, gak di jakarta, gak di universe manapun... cewe itu membahayakan untuk khalayak manusia banyak. Pray for us. Hope that God won't kick us out again from this second haven called earth. Amen.

Gosip. Gak pernah ada berentinya ya? Muak gak sih dengerin Nia paramita hamil, aborsi, selingkuh(?!!). Tapi, gak heran juga. Sensasi sensasi sensasi. As paris hilton's motto "there is no such thing as bad publicity", apa salah kalo gue bilang selebriti Indonesia adalah worshipers of Paris Hilton's Cult? Selebriti Indo udah jadi budak2 reporter infotainment seluruh Indonesia (eh salah, bukan sluruh Indo, JAKARTA aja. siapa siihh yg ngalahin infotainment Jakarta?!!)

Kartun, komedi, karikatur jadi perhatian duniaa!! Akhirnya.
Mereka bilang "jangan anggep mereka serius, karena mereka sndiri aja gak nganggep dirinya serius". Buat orang2 yang gak serius, pinter juga ngacoin perasaan orang2 di sluruh dunia persilatan ya? Kenapa juga susah2 jadi politisi ato psychic untuk mengontrol kroco2 di dunia ini. Hey, I'll just be a comedian. I'll have the power and cannot be blamed for anything cos what's to blame, I'm not serious. Really.

The end.

on habits.

I have numerous bad habits.
One of which is the desire to purchase books from bookshops without even knowing what the book is about and also the possibility of not reading it after purchase.

I love books. I love the covers, I love the synopsis it tries to drown us into the deep of its' story. The excitement of reading people's reviews on specific book and wondering if it will give the same vibe for me or instead leaving it on the shelf, unfinished.

I cannot help the fact that I love to wander around bookshops and widen my eyes while browsing all those books on the shelves. Shiny covers. Mysterious front page. Witty titles. Eloquent reviews. Fantastic or dramatic fonts cover. They all represent a chronicle of proses and stories. I mean, who doesn't like a little bit of tale in this chaotic life, innit?

Yet again, the issue here is, I don't read most of these books.

I love to purchase 'em and love to browse bookshops, but can't say the same for reading 'em.

Only those with exciting stories and just enough amount of suspense that'll attract my attention. It's like picking out shoes.. only those that my feet like, then those I'd wear. ;)

But the reason for this posting is not to tell all the mumbo jumbo. I'm having the crave, again. I gotta get another book. It's called naked pictures of famous people, Jon Stewart. I dun the bloody know what the book is about, but it surely has a dodgy mysterious-y cover and interesting review.

So, shall I buy it?

If I caught the world in an hourglass

Need to walk pass the bridge and it has to start right about 2 hours from now.
Pray for me as I may not survive.
Isht. No No I will pass and conquer the road ahead. MUST!
If this parasite will just let go..

Two imperative events happening in moi calendar this week.
Bestfriend's big Two-Four celebration!! & Sis' 20th? Can it be real?! God we're getting older, for sure.

It's been five years that I have not spent a birthday with close friends and families. It's been a while since I celebrated birthdays with the bestfriend, I miss that. We never give presents and just simple text messages wishing all the very best for the other party in her side of the world. Hopefully, by the time I reach the fair ground which I called home, we cud spare time to celebrate.

But for now... I need the strengths to keep me going and prepare to cross the bridge with an unknown side of the path. Fingers cross.

Here we go..

living in minority socialism.

I am one. Encircled by many.
I am one. Seen as a yellow-skinned nobody.
I know I am one in such massive white crowds.
But who are they to judge us and us not to judge them?
Living in a minority socialism made them think they empower us and better than all of us?

Prove them wrong, for they are all mindless bore pricks.
We may not pronounce the same words as them are, but we are trully no less dignified and brilliant.

Prove us wrong, your eyes speak the truth than the words you say.
Arrogant self-absorbed being thus you are.
We are to rule the world. Yet to see you crawl with nothing but dirt on the ground and dust on your mouth. Hence we are no different than the person you are now.

Prejudice thy heart for our race. We will never be the person you so proudly present yourself today. We are much educated than those degrees and knowledge you have attained.

I will no longer bore myself for such hateful manner.