Butterflies

you say the word you know i will find you
or if you need some time i don't mind
i don't hold on to the tail of your kite
i'm not like the girls that you've known
but i believe i'm worth coming home to
kiss away night
this girl only sleeps with butterflies
with butterflies
so go on and fly then, boy
*Tori Amos

Fly away. Book a ticket to find your soulmate
Confused?
Well, you wont after arriving at the right destination..

Wasted

*Sigh* Tears were shed almost entirely unnecessary
Good news is, Huge sorrow has been uplifted. Relieved.
No more sorries, No more regrets, and just a tad of understanding.
Rebel is what she is from the day she was born..
So everything is understood.
At least, no more drama queen for me! *Phew*
The rest is history... get over it and move on.

Ketika bala bantuan menjadi balas budi

Lucu banget, sekaligus upsetting and marah Ketika gue tiap hari dipaparkan dengan issue yg sama terus menerus. Nggak ngerti maxut gue apa?

Yg gue maxutkan itu ttg legal matter in regards to drugs smuggling. Worst of all.. this time involves foreign interference. Iya, siapa lagi sih 'queen of the news' thesedays.. the so-called-beauty of queensland student, schapelle corby. Dia adalah seorang Australian yang JELAS-JELAS menyelundupkan sejumlah ganja (drugs, weed, smoke, joint, apalah itu nama2nya. Aku bukan penyelundup dan pemakai. jadi silakan terjemahkan kata itu ke kamus2 kalian sendiri). Dan jumlah yang dia bawa itu nggak lah sedikit. Look hokay, gue gak akan bilang gue pintar, expert dan one of the in-the-know person with these all legal issues. Tapi ya kalo mau bawa barang terlarang mbok ya pake otak dikit gitu loh mbak! Makanya yg diurus tuh jangan muke doank, urus dulu segenggam bagian dari brain kamu itu. Gak pernah nonton film amerika ya? Dengan segala macam tips and hints they have given us on most movies how to smuggle barang terlarang ke tempat2 yang kamu inginkan. (melenceng sdikit, wah amrik shud bikin film spt itu ya. Action movie nya dari 'how to lose a guy in 10 days'. But this time 'how to smuggle marijuana in 10 seconds'. Should be a "FUN" movie, don't you think?!) Oh well.

Mbakyu.. Mbakyu.. Kamu itu sangatlah cantik(kata orang2). But it seems braindamage has caused catastrophic end for your beauty heh! pitty..

Kenapa gue tiba2 concerns with any of this issue. While normally I never give a damn about any of this merely I don't really like media. They're fun for a while, but overtime.. they're always playing with your emotion. And I really hate when I got so emotional for things that don't directly relates to me. Anyhoo, alesan gue menulis semua ini becos menurut gue Aussies adalah sekumpulan masyarakat yang tidak mengerti akan arti ikhlas dan tidak mengharapkan balas budi. On the day when they senteced Corby for 20 years imprisonment, semua orang went ballistic. The so-called symphaty mulai bermunculan. Hellooo, she's convicted guilty dan obviously the marijuana was at her bag. HUGE chunk of it! Nenek2 buta juga tau kalo dia bersalah. They thought that 20 years in jail was considered harsh. Well, people.. just considered her lucky for not got caught at Malaysia. Cos from what I heard, if they find you guilty there.. Ergo, Mum and Dad here's her head! (maaf sangat kasar). Lagipula, apa kalian kenal dengan corby ini? Uh-Oh, NO! Kalian tidak pernah dengar nama dia until these "media" people shown it to you people through the beauty of a small display called television. Voila. You suddenly familiar with the corby clan and Miss. schapelle corby herself. You considered her to be part of your family. Why? because she's Australian? Well, applause to you if you'd think that. Rasa nasionalis kalian memang tinggi. Tapi tolong donk, pikir dulu yang rasional. Kalian hanya termakan oleh apa yg diberitakan oleh2 sekumpulan media. YANG sepertinya terlalu berada di pihak corby. Dengan menutup sebelah mata, bagi mereka, indo lah yg tidak becus dan tidak tau budi sedangkan our corby is always this innocent young lady from queensland, a regular citizen of Australia. Oh get over your perfect world! From my point of view, Not one of you trully know who she really is. None. Except for her friends and family. So wake up from your dream on the la-la land, and snap out of it. Think clearly and rationally, please.

Before you decide right or wrong, think of it this way.. What if the situation was in reverse? Let say, this time the person who was found smuggling drugs wasn't Australian, but instead an Indonesian and the location was also in reverse. Consider only these two things changed, Nationality and Location, while other conditions were the same. She,Indonesian, was caught tryin' get this marijuana into Australia. What would the feds do? What would you, as Australians, react? What would we, as Indonesians, react?
With all do respect, I'm almost certain that Aussies will definitely take the plunge for the convicted suspect (whether she's convicted) to just go 'to hell' and be done with it. AND always put the justice on board. Am I right? But would the Indonesian get the same consideration as you would want for corby? I would say no. I can almost blurt out loud that we're the black sheep in this situation. Put the blame onto us.
Hm, some of the answers could be very judgemental of me. But whoever read this thread is Aussies, Do ask the question in your mind. What if the situation was in reverse, as laid out above.

The result of this corby case, (and this is the reason why I said the case is funny in a weird way)
To get you the idea, read this part of the news taken from here

"When Indonesia was struck by the tsunami, Australia gave aid," Mr Jeffers said.
"Nine Australians gave the ultimate, their lives, in a helicopter crash on the island helping Indonesians.
"We'll continue to fight until an innocent girl is set free to live and enjoy her life."

Pertama yang akan gue lakukan adalah... *Sigh* Astaghfirullah...
Untuk beberapa saat gue gak bisa berkata apa2 lagi. Jadi, semua "bantuan" yang kalian beri ini adalah semacam "sogokan" untuk kalian para Australians bebas melakukan apa saja di negara Indo ini? Kalian meminta balas budi setelah semua yg sudah terjadi? Sekali lagi... Astaghfirullah... Aku cuma bisa narik napas dan bersabar. Marah? Tentu. Sangat.

Seorang teman pernah bercerita, dia bisa dengan sangat bebas mengutarakan maksud dan pemikiran dia tentang human rights di negara Kangguru ini. Sekarang aku tanya begini, all those 'funds' that you have given to those tsunami victims want to be 'refund' into each of your pockets? Oh dear sir/madam, sangat tidak ikhlas lah jiwa kalian. Tidak konsisten lah kalian dengan segala macam teriakan humanity yg keluar dari mulut kalian. Right Now, I can honestly say, How inhumane your own attitude is. Silakan mengaca, akan Aku berikan cerminku ini untukmu.
Aku jadi bertanya, apa kalian udah memikirkan akan hal seperti ini ketika kalian menyisihkan "sebagian" isi dompet kalian. Berpikir, Oh they will owe us this much. They shud be very thankful to us and they shud this and that and so on and so on. YES, we are VERY thankful indeed. Trully we are. But excuse-moi dear sir and madam,
WE DON'T ACCEPT YOUR REFUND POLICY!

One more thing, Your so-called human rights. Please, check your rationale again when you blurt things out. Thank you.

* I'm really sorry if it's very offensive to some people. But I'm not sorry for expressing my own thoughts on my own anonymous and unknown webpage. Just remember this: I never found you, You found me.

YES!

ternyata, i'm not alone.
There are lotsa ME-s all around the big-round universe.
Menyenangkan.
To sum up, I just realised..
I'm a very unhapy person with many negative thoughts running around in my head (not kinky ones, you perv!)
Although it made me seems as a weirdo, having my own world in my own thoughts, but I dont care.
'Cos i'm OK.
For I'm not the only weirdos amongst these people livin' in big-round world.
So, fuck off you happy people..
Ha ha ha

*eeks aku gila!*

It's Final.

I'm dead bored yet there are loads things to do.. I'm so fucked up and enough of all these.
I need something new, something that cud clear up my mind.
This life is boring and mundane.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!

Raindrops

Raindrops keep fallin' on my head
But that doesn't mean my eyes will soon be turnin' red
Cryin's not for me
'Cause I'm never gonna stop the rain by complainin'
Because I'm free
Nothin's worryin' me
*B.J. Thomas

It's a happy comforting song in some way, but doesn't really reflects anything to the current situation here downunder. Everything is so dark and gloomy. It's getting darker and humid.

Rain. Rain.
It's like teardrops from heaven.
Is there someone crying up there?
Oh I know dear,
Things are not happening so good down here..
But we're trying, aren't we?
Trying to put more smiles on people's faces,
Kiddies jumping up and down, Laughing and Cheering.
Dads, Mums, Grannies and Grandads.. All of us in a huge green garden of the universe..
encircling the wonderous happiness..
As One.

... Uh, yeah whatever!

A so-called principle: Liberalism*.

* :BROAD-MINDED; especially : not bound by authoritarianism, orthodoxy, or traditional forms

homosexuality, premarital sex, transexuality, multiculturalism, marital separation, open relationship, etc etc etc
many aspects of our so-caled life have been 'liberalized', or tolerated and accepted in the society. All thanks to the "expert-minded" western society. To them, everything is tolerated. Those who against it are labelled "any-IST", e.g. racist, sexist, etc. Nowadays, this so-called liberalism is running down its' domination to asia. Yes, no amusement there, with unfortunate admittance, we asians are become more "liberal" to those aspects stated earlier.

To us, strangers are always get tolerated in whatever their "differences" are. No one would consider everything they did or whatever their true identity as taboo, well maybe only in a minor critism. Some examples in our everyday life of coffeeshop conversation..

• Hey, they're gay... Mm, So?
• You know who recently got knocked up?.... Dont care!
• Did you hear that A is divorced from B?... again, So?
• Dude, you know that chinese are bla bla bla... Shush, racist!

Those rumors keep on ranting day by day.. but do u want to hear them and sometimes participate in the conversation?.... yes.
We talked about those things.. but afterwards, u'd say.. so what?
At that point, you tolerate others for their differences. Yet, when it happens to your next of kin. Whats ur first reaction?

• dissapointed?
• shocked?
• embarrassed?
• hatred?
• upset?

mixed of emotions that are not perceived as positive-minded reaction.. innit?
at some level, denial persist. We couldnt or wudnt accept it. Kept on asking, why? how come? Why?!?

There are also times when you couldnt possibly accept this reality. Instead, you erase this "disgrace" from ur life. Never again want to admit your own kin.
....how sad.

Oh, Excuse-moi dahling,
but whatta hypocrite u trully is!
You are so damn liberal about things that happen to strangers whom you r not familiar with, but when it comes to your loved ones, you'd suddenly vanished the love and support.
Where have your senses gone?
... empathy has fade away in the air.
You try to chant liberty to everyone in everything,
But honey, I'd say..
You are so fake inside!

Nevertheless, popped a question in my mind,
^At what point is liberalism needs to be tolerated?

Southbank, FOGGED!

It's just one of those days, on supposedly breezy autumn day.
Yet, you woke up.
And one glance out the window..
Whooa..
You'd start to wonder,
Am I in the city on Am I on the mountain?
Where are all those high-rise buildings and crowded traffic?
... None. *ziingg*
Yes people, Southbank area just got FOGGED!
And it's already 9 in the morning..

Oh whatta morning!
Shud we go back to bed?

Shadow of the Night

A translucent shadow in the darkness...
Sees nothing but empty roads.
The lights outside are so bright
Yet, it is dark inside.
Do you think that is the solitude we always try to look for
or only a lone mirage we always try to deny?

Be Silent, Be Still

The Stillness of the dark
eludes us from the crowd universe we live in.
Silent..
Nothing can be heard.
Dark..
Nothing can be seen.
Sshh..
Don't say a word.
Gaze at the starry skies,
Fly away to your wonderous dreams,
Noone will hinder your way.
Because in the stillness of the dark,
It's only you and the stars.
Nothing else matters..

*really don't have any idea what am talking about. Just because, the night is sometime seems like a beautiful silencio*

in the land of birds

i wonder wat birds wud say if they cud talk...

they seems to act very suspicious to human.. their mischievous eyes, watching us from 'eyery' corner of the universe. Unlike human, they are able to observe the trecherous and all the life in our big round earth from the God's big blue painted canvas (i.e. sky). I wonder what these birds see from the wide up open sky? bet there are no traffic up there..

Maybe all they see are human with all their narcisstic-self and ego-centric behavior trying to achieve nothing but a vale of life. I spose they'd think humans are that moronic, wudnt they? well, if i was a bird, i'd think so.

Nevertheless, do u think birds are somehow an arrogant creature? they can fly, we cant. they are very cautious of human being, but we dont to them; hence we wudnt know if they're thinking something about us or even to try to abrupt the world. But sometimes, birds know what human wud do to them, hence they suddenly react to elude. How great are their reflexes huh. That's what I mean by arrogant, they'd think mankind are that stupid to ignore them as these cute tiny creatures with no harm watsoever to the world.

well, surely i wudnt know whats exactly inside those tiny birds' brain..
its just a bird's mind game,
...from a human's view.
Loco!

The Lunatic, The Lover, The Poet

Taken from neuroticpoets.com
Apparently,
My faves poets.. are all neurotics.
Well, not exactly my faves. But those art works I'm familiar with.
Anyhow,
Here are my neuroticpoets...

~Ariel

Melts in the wall.
And I
Am the arrow,
The dew that flies,
Suicidal, at one with the drive
Into the red
Eye, the cauldron of morning.
..Sylvia Plath..

..Lord Byron..
'Tis time this heart should be unmoved,
Since others hath it ceased to move:
Yet, though I cannot be beloved,
Still let me love!

My days are in the yellow leaf;
The flowers and fruits of love are gone;
The worm, the canker, and the grief
Are mine alone!

Never heard lord byron. But that one is a good lovin' reminder of someone..
Someone I know.. Someone close...
Someone..
is,
nobody..
but oneself with these words. ;-)

Pieces of Me...

*I know, nyolong song titlenya Ashlee simpson. But whatdeheck!

A warning:
This posting below will be a major needy and pathetic entry. Another chapter of a rookie in the real world. A someone who thinks she knows something, but truth is... she doesn't know anything. None. Zilch.
And now, she'll start to whine about things that's not run according to what she wants.
A self-centered bitch. A neurotic introvert. An obnoxious nobody.

For D: Don't read this entry if you dont like what you've read on the abstract above.

Anyhow, this is how the entry begins...
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Here I am, wandering in my own living room. Doing nothing, Think nothing, Dull my brains out.
I started to realise, What am I doing?
What exactly have I done with my life for the past twentitu years of age?
Well, in a nutshell.. what did I do for the past year of my life?
nothing.
I have made no achievement. I have made no life, Which I thought I could've change something by living in a foreign land. But no.
Now I starts to wonder, whether I've made the absolute mistake.

I've strained outsiders out my life. life doesn't seem as a joyful ride no more. None is. Hollow is all that lies there... Feels like in a cage, the existence of a vixen. Run to the wild. But no, this vixen got to stay, caged.

Oh wait! It's never locked, Yet the strive to run free is non-existent.. Not eager to abandon the lovely cage, and leave all the beauties exists within the cage. Fear and mortified for just tiptoeing to glance at the outside world. However, she's tired of being inside a cage. Tired of all the fear and abash nonsense.

Yet she's lost. Don't know where to begin. For these feet could go right or left. Always, there are two paths lie ahead.
Hey somebody! is it true that there are 2s of everything? Or my mind just bewildered me once more?

Yes. Yes. Once again, lost and alienated. As a kid in the playground. Where lots children running around and play hide-and-seek. I'm hiding. But no one's seeking. Forgotten within the abyss of space and time. Rainbows and butterflies are beyond what I can reach.

I 'M nobody! Who are you?
Are you nobody, too?
Then there 's a pair of us-don't tell!
They 'd banish us, you know.

How dreary to be somebody!
How public, like a frog
To tell your name the livelong day
To an admiring bog!

E.Dickinson

Plastik ituu..

= imitation, affected, artificial, assumed, bogus, concocted, counterfeit, fabricated, false, fictitious, forged, fraudulent, invented, make-believe, mock, phony, pretended, pseudo, reproduction, sham, simulated, spurious *the almighty source of thesaurus.com

Kenapa ada yang bilang kalo seseorang bertingkah laku palsu, they often condemned him/er as plastic?

Sshh.. Listen quietly,
*Ceritaku berakhir seperti ini...

Sudah! Aku tidak mencarimu
Aku tidak perlu mencarimu, perlukah aku?
Setelah aku temukan, apa untungnya buatku?
Apa ketakutan ini akan berhenti begitu saja?
Kurasa tidak.

Semua kebaikan itu adalah palsu.
bagiku,
Kamu sangatlah plastik.
Palsu di mataku
Memang awalnya sudah seperti ini, tidak perlu ada yang berubah.

Tapi..
Yah, lagi-lagi.. I'm in denial.
Jangan dibilang, aku tidak kecewa.
Well, I am.
Tapi aku beruntung,
instingku tidak pernah membiarkan aku untuk melewati batas itu.
Dan aku belum melangkah.
Aku hanya berjinjit merayap mendekati...
Alhamdulillah..

*Loh? Cerita ini awal mulanya seperti apa?

Hmm.. Aku juga nggak tau.
Tidak pernah ada suatu permulaan.
Tiba-tiba..
Semua sudah berakhir.
Aneh?
... Memang.

Kita

Life is certainly not a big blue print.
No mankind could ever predict what will happen in the future, or simply in the next hour.
It is proven, the power of our Almighty Lord is untouchable.
Our childhood memories are flashing back so fast in my mind
Times when our naivety was conformed to face the grimmest part of life.
It forced me to realise,
We are not those teens anymore,
Those yesterdays are gone.
We've grown so much, we have our own lives apart.
Still,
I will always remember our childhood together
I always think of her as my other half. She's my cousin, my sister, my partner in crime, the one I can hold on to and trust in this whole wide world.
Things changed so much since we're apart...
Now it happened...
I don't wanna be judgemental, But Lord what must I do?

Ya Allah, tolong dia ya.. Bagaimanapun, dia tetep adikku juga...

If there's one to blame, Aku salahkan 'dia'!
Yet it wouldn't be fair...
Both are just reckless and emotion took control.
I mustn't blame anyone, not this time.
No more scapegoats.
Just hope for the best and happiness for everyone....

If I can wish for one thing in the world,
I'd wish for things to back to where life used to be.
All of us, being just kids again. And think nothing but homework and playground, and our stupid-cupid crush to school boys.
Those age when nothing to worry about.
Just us, two kids tryin' to be teens.

Right now,
We're over the line. We're teens no more.
Sis, gue cuma berdoa yang terbaik aja buat elo...
Iya gue kecewa,
Tapi... Ache of heart will recuperate overtime, cos blood is thicker than water. We won't go no where...
Yang kuat ya neng, gue gak bisa berbuat apa2 sekarang...
Gue bahkan gak bisa ada disitu sama elo. Gue juga gak bisa ngomong ama elo.
Gue gak berani, Gue takut, Gue bingung harus gimana...
tapi yang pasti, Gue gak akan judgemental. Gue akan selalu dukung apapun yang lo lakukan. Sekarang,
Pesan ini cuma bisa tertulis disini aja.. Maaf ya dek

encircling wanderment

Gak habis pikir...
Thousands, millions of people livin in this universe are in search for it.
Still, mankind will never be satisfied now will they?
There it is, right infront of you.. with a genuine heart and none other,
Waiting and expect nothing but You.
Yet, You're too content solely with your misery and despair.

At times people are simply don't appreciate what's there for them
Again, back to tedious search for meaningless dream.
While they don't realise,
The dream is already here.
Waiting for them to open their eyes
Wanted them to see,
That there is hope. And will not runaway no matter what.

This is the end of your world.
Come another. In a complete reverse.
Noone will ever know,
There will always be shadow in every corner of life.
YOU! would never know how to live in this side of the world.
For there are two pieces of all things.

*Hey Jealousy!
Stop the prose menagerie! It ain't gonna work here.

Runaway Run

Run Run Runawayy Runn..

Dan larilah dia.. Lari Lari...
Belum sempat kusentuh, Belum sempat kudekati..
Paranoia..
Seperti melihat setan.

Ah, It's noone's fault.
it's just a foolish fairytale.

Eh, Cerita ini tidak berhenti disini.
Tidak ada awal,
Kenapa harus ada akhir?

Aku yang bermimpi,
kenapa harus menyalahkan orang lain?
Mimpi tidak harus menjadi sebuah realita.
Seperti sekarang.
Mimpiku tidak harus menjadi nyata.
Karena,
SEMUA INI KHAYALAN BELAKA!!!

Utopian Nation

It starts with a question, Why do wars have to happened?
True, aku hanya seorang perempuan who do not understand anything about everything.
Tapi pertanyaanku hanyalah sesederhana itu.
I'll bet, none of you would ever deny that at some time you've watched one or maybe several war movies. What did you feel?
All I know, your heart will pump hard til you cant breathe, was it fear or was it excitement?
Stupid moron whom chose the latter over the former state.

All you see are nothing but darkness. It surely not a pretty picture, let alone a haven. Apa kita ini tidak berharga? Bear in mind, those we saw were merely motion pictures. For all you know reality may speaks very differently. No, not a better one.

Kenapa sih dunia gak bisa hidup damai, tenang, tentram? Dunia tersenyum dimana pelangi terbentang di angkasa. Sigh.. iya, aku tau. Itu hanya dunia maya. Sebuah mimpi yang sempurna. Sebuah mimpi yang utopis. Suatu Utopian Nation. Dimana sekarang realita berkata lain.
Itu hanya sebuah mimpi. Mimpi terindah. Bukan untukku, Bukan untukmu... Tapi untuk Kita.

Aah Diam kamu.
Iya, Aku diam. Karena Aku hanya seorang anak kecil di dunia yang sudah tua ini. Apalah yang aku tau?

Sshh...

*whisper*
Sshh.. Mau tau gak?

I lost control subuh tadi...
Iya, I felt it.
The state of mind of one's insanity.
I cannot hold it any longer
I lost temper
I cried so hard but there were no teardrops
I scream so loud but there was only silence
And suddenly, I laugh... vociferously. But it sounded bitter

A friend couldn't help either. Noone Can.
It is me alone who will able to resolve
Ya Gusti, bantu aku ya...

Psst... Jangan beri tahu siapa-siapa. Cukup aku dan kamu saja yang tau.

Die You, BITCH!

Obsession obsession obsession
Anxiety and one good old nervous breakdown!
Ha! What more a girl cud ask for eh?

Just Die You, Bitch!

Million Dreams

If I caught the world in a bottle
And everything was still beneath the moon
Without your love would it shine for me?
If I was smart as Aristotle
And understood the rings around the moon
What would it all matter if [you loved me]?
*Sting

Beautiful Life

Baby I can't help this feeling
It's a fight that I know I can't win
There's nothing i can do
So I'm giving up tonight
Cos baby you're my [kryptonite]

Cos i can't stop thinking of you
I'll be trying not to [love] you
I'm helpless, yes it's true
So I'm giving up tonight
Cos baby you're my [kryptonite]
*G.Sebastian

Love Suicide

Emeralds from mountains thrust toward the sky
Never revealing their depth
Tell me that we belong together
Dress it up with the trappings of [love]
I'll be captivated

I'll be your crying shoulder
I'll be love suicide
I'll be better when I'm older
I'll be the greatest fan of your life.
*E.McCain

Parallel Universe

[Go on]
Get out of my head
I'm on the wrong side of a parallel universe
Am I alive or just dead
I've been somewhere in the dark
Living in a crash world

|Crash|
Underneath the fears
Everything's so twisted and weird
Someone save me
I can't seem to break free
*H.Duff