A peaceful and sweet closure
So here i am on a 109 tram going to an old friend's home.
2 days remain before i fly out to where i belong.
Home. In Jakarta.
Finally i can make peace with self on saying it. I've settled on where home is.
Melbourne was my happy adolescence, finding identity.
Jakarta is where i will settle my adulthood.
My mind, body and soul have in-sync this time round.
Melbourne will always have a special space locked in heart.
It's time to move on.
6 days wandering in melbourne, without purpose, is an eye opener.
I'm tired of being alone. Being minority. On having more effort to live.
Melbourne is a cold place. As i was.
3 years tamed me. I couldn't settle for ignorance or complete individuality.
Now, i'm ready to face a new life with all heart's content, in Jakarta.
Where home is and where i'm needed.
Goodbye melbourne. Thanks for a life changing experience of 7years.
You will always be a second home.
My bittersweet lover.
On 15 September I wrote...
In the sky - between KL and Melbourne
Up in the sky. 4 hours to melbourne.
All i can think is my next trip to derawan and bandung with my friends.
And him.
Does my days in melbourne will be over this time round? The thought of it isnt as sad as before. Maybe my heart has finally decide but my mind are thinking the what ifs.
Im too afraid to let go melbourne, to let go my PR status. Then i wouldnt be able to find a quick getaway. Maybe i should face everything now and not a quick getaway fix?
My mind is wondering aimlessly, searching the best answer.
I'm heavy on my mum, my friends, my niece, and somehow him too.
If im settle for the people, what am i escaping now?
8 hours before melbourne
Waiting at lcct kuala lumpur for my budget airline to arrive and fly me to my second home.
Im having a seriously mixed feelings while waiting to board.
The one date ive been anxiously await since 9 months ago when i bought this ticket, has finally here. But the excitement kinda washed away. Things happened during 9 months.
Madre awoken me from a dream. Im lost finding home.
This will be my final answer. Whether i should be most satisfied with jakarta but where my loved ones are,
Or secure and peaceful with the city i love but afar from loved ones.
If a certain person able to make me stay in jakarta, i'll say yes to his nagging question.
Yes you, im thinking you and make certain of my feelings too.
This next 10 days is a devil's trap, but insyaallah this will give me answers to everything in mind.
Bismillah, im surrendering everything to You.
The flight is boarding.
I'll see you in 8 hours melbourne
Melbourne I'll see you VERY soon
You know what,
It will be exactly 2 years since last I step foot in Melbourne.
The last was October 2009.
Now, in mere 3 days, I'll be seeing you again.
Feelings run amuck.
It's like, seeing your old lover and wondering whether the feeling is still there.
Am I ready to fall in love again?
Will you able to make me head over heels again, Melbourne?
I'm excited but also scared.
Getting to you will be a life-changing decision for my future.
Yeah, feels like deciding for marriage, innit?
Haha.
Here we go again.
When things get tough and I couldn't find fresh air.
I remember you.
I'm in my darkest mood, again.
I thought friends are the best companion. Start to think maybe it's family.
or maybe it's yourself?
I guess... You can't expect too much from some people. Time you spent towards them may not reflect the same amount from them to you.
Then I missed you so much. Just with you, I can be with myself and still feel content.
Am I not destined to have a life here if I'm wishing every day to go back to you?
Melbourne, again.
I know I've made a pact to not whinge about anything Indonesia or, Jakarta.
But I can't help it.
Every year Melbourne held Australian Open, Grand Prix, Movie festivals, Art festivals. Though I don't really know the rules of AO, or how to enjoy the race of F1, or even understand the meaning of a painting. I , however, was encouraged to see and enjoy the atmosphere experienced from the people around me. A friend said, Melburnian are passionate people. I didn't really notice that at first. Maybe because I was super apathetic when I first came downunder. Eventually, surrounded by enthusiasm has showed me keen interest to what's happening around me. Although not entirely, but I do support every annual events they have in town. although how mundane sometimes they've gotten over the years, but I do still support and brag about them to newcomers.
I am proud. Proud to have been amongts Melburnian and got the chance to experience their lifestyle into mine.
What do we have annually in Jakarta? Jiffest? Java Jazz?
Getting the tix to enjoy the events is like a race. When you got the tix, the ambiance being in the event isn't about their interest for the movies or the appetite to listen to some saxxy jazz. They are more to being hip, being cool. Half of 'em doesnt really care about anything else but being there and be seen. Even pop preludes into the Jazz to make these people go crazier (on being seen).
Everything of Jakarta is commercialism and hedonism. I don't mind them two, but I kinda do need a balance. Don't get me wrong, I love shopping, I love great deals, I enjoy clubs (used to). But what I find it irritating is making them as accessories for an individual to level-up a status --- for being cool or 'it'. Or maybe that's just me saying.
I do find something different living in Jakarta. A minority who explore its wilderness country and loving nature as their next of kin. I didn't realize I have it in me, to love nature and at awe just by looking at gorgeous beaches, aquatic life, and countryside simplicity. People are actually nice. But, I do have a but, only outside the city -- by city I meant Jakarta.
I'm in love and hate to Jakarta. As much as I hate it wholeheartedly, I cannot, however, live way far in countryside where all you see is rice fields and hear only nothingness.
Raise your hand if your head feels like exploding anytime soon?
Good God, I do.
Just by watching the people swarming around like a buncha clutz, aiming for numbers and numbers.
My mind, body and soul are not suited for big cities, I guess.
Sadly but true, I need to switch interests when I decided to stay here.
From art-houses and pop culture, I have to settle for adventure and blue sky.
From man's made to God's greatest creations.
That's a big leap for a big girl like me.
I guess being enthusiastic about something doesn't really have stop at one or two interests.
Things are evolving, and I just have to find more interests in this place I called home.
Hey, those who closest to nature are the ones to survive in the end, right?
Not money, not the clubs, definitely not the booze,
nor the police.
I will always miss Melbourne and its' vibrant life.
How can't I? It will and always be my second home.
So, those who had enough of my whinging, Let me help you
You see that small red box on the top right of your browser that has 'x' sign in it?
Hit it.
Home
I got this quote from a tweet...
"Home is not where you live, but where they understand you."
Christian Morgenstern
Okay...
Let me try to rephrase,
If where you live is where no one understands you, then where is home?
Mr. Morgenstern, sir.. With no disrespect,
In deep shit, I am.
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this time. For sure..
my life started here in melb.. this is my home too and i become who i am now based on the lifestyle and culture ive experienced for 7 years. the only thing that made me go back indo was just the people.
ive always struggle, which i should choose. the people or the place.
yah, spertinya i dont live for my own kan, so i chose the first. hence im coming back. this time no grudge, no struggle and without complaints.
im coming bak because my life will start again there.
i just need time to let go off melb as a big part of me.
Food in Melbourne!
Here's my list of food culinary in Melbourne and surroundings :)
- big sam
- han guuk guan
- zorba
- oriental spoon
- kenzan
- sofia's
- ying thai
- safrons
- pho
- gloria jean's spinach roll & chai tea
- mart
- port melb fish n chips
- kanpai
- tgif
- boost
- hudsons
- dessert house
- roast duck ctown
- yumcha shark fin
- boysenberry choctops
Anything else I've missed?
Home
Home is where the heart is, right?
Then why I feel my heart's misplaced?
Wonder if this was ever true.
Take me home, I plead.
Sooky
The taste of bitter-sweet coffee on my lips reminded me of home..
A second home I have grown too attached.
When the winter chills warmed up few Celsius after that first sip of hot hudson’s café latte in the afternoon.
Walking up towards St Kilda road, imagining the warm blanket and cozy southbank royale.
And that’s just from few sips of cappuccino on this humid Tuesday in Jakarta.
I miss home.
Well, I don't know if I believe that's true
But I know I'm who I am today
Because I knew you
So let me say before we part
So much of me
Is made of what I learned from you
You'll be with me
Like a handprint on my heart
lifeless
Last wednesday
Had my visit to the airport.. this time my feet only stepped in far enough from the check gate.
the look around were somewhat familiar.
I was once
.. the person sat on the bench waiting to board.
I was once
.. the person who was said byes to.
I was once
.. the person who flew away to be foreign in the land downunder.
Yes. I was once that person.
I could easily smell the fresh morning air out the arrival terminal, when everything looks hazy, have to find a taxi.
All a change now.
and I still cannot forget the past I lived in.
I dunno when I could fully adjust to the life I live in now.
All is a haze.
take me back to a phase when around is foreign.
take me back with you, dearie. :( :( :(
Move On
Well I been thinking 'bout the future
I'm too young to pretend
It's such a waste to always look behind you
Should be lookin' straight ahead
Yeah, I'm gonna have to move on
Before we meet again
Yeah it's hard
If you had have only seen
........
.....
....
'Cause every once in a while
You think about if your gonna get yourself together
You should be happy just to be alive
And just because you just don't feel like comin' home
Don't mean that you'll never arrive
*JET
11.50 maroon house
looking out the window
light shines, light dissapear
if you had have only seen
my two cents
when you think bules are so arrogant and seems unfriendly...
think again.
Indonesians are much worse.
Human rights are intolerable here...
reminiscing...
I played Hide and Seek with Imogen Heap. The softly voice she allure me with. Cast me away to the street of Wellington parade on a midst morning breeze.
"where are we?
what the hell is going on?
the dust has only just begun to form
crop circles in the carpet
sinking feeling"
I miss winter, spring, autumn and hot dry summer.
every songs on my iTunes play its own memory lane...
every music lure me to all beauty memories...
It's like, I'm walking on white clouds, lurking every doors heaven presents.
Peeping through the past
and smiled
and silently cried.
but I'm still happy.
to have those memories...
hehehe too melancholic for a Monday night, eh?
sometimes I missed the old sooky-la-la me.
the overly sentimental Me - the melbourne version.
:) :) :) :) :)
is thinking 1,2,3
Maybe it was a bad move.
Proceed with emotion and not rationally.
The time to decide was rushed.
and now I can't decide which best. 1, 2, or 3 ??
silently, I cried myself to sleep.
Wishing to have the answer when I wake up.
My memories of you was too deep...
I couldn't let go or let you vanished into thin air..
I'm content here.
I just couldn't let you go, still.
Feels like I'm outta place.
Couldn't find which place to go to and stood still.
I had a full life there. I've become who I am because of you...
You're a part of me.
I couldn't let you go...
Where am I suppose to belong, then?
I couldn't decide whether to choose You but to suffer 4 months prior meeting you?
or choose to complete prestige and status but letting You go?
or choose to go half-way in gaining prestige and status but seeing you in 9 months?
Either way, I know I have to choose.
Ps: and you know what shitty word verication blogger wrote:
spot on. LOL
Melbourne
im feeling melancholic when read or hear or say or see something related to melbourne.
i still miss its' blue sky with all its' dodgy weather
i miss exploring the city
i miss the small alleys and little boutiques
i miss the LATTES and CHAI LATTES!
i crave their gourmet cheese and sandwiches!
believe it or not, their hawkers sushi taste better than the sushi we have here in top-notch restaurants!
i miss the morning breeze and listening to fox fm or any crackin' jokes on radio.
i missed my old routines.
I missed routines.
believe it or not, year by year in Oz has its' common routines (nationally). and that's one of the thing i miss.
i want to see art
TO SEE
THEATRES/MUSICALS/GALLERIES/ART HOUSES!!!!
ah this uncultured city!
