Ketika kegelisahan hati menggugah imajinasi seorang perempuan.
(Blah, gak penting. Ini hanya kehidupan maya seseorang!)
...
"Kamu udah mapan. karir juga ok. Biarpun muka bukan nicholas saputra tapi kamu cukup menarik, in your own way (hey, it's a compliment!). Tapi, knp jari manismu masih kosong?"
...
"um, gak tau. Elo sndiri gmn?"
"kosong."
...
"dan selalu begitu dari dulu. hey, no man no cry right! :)"
Mungkin trauma, Mungkin udah terlalu byk sakit, Uda tlalu byk 'rotten eggs' dsekitar gue. Stengah sadar, gue udah memblokir perasaan itu. Entah juga sih. Bisa aja itu cuma alesan gue doang. Alesan sbenarnya?
Entah. Gue jg gak tau.
...
Perempuan,
terutama perempuan jawa.
Apa yg berbeda dr mereka?
Setiap tertulis perempuan Jawa, apa mereka termasuk sunda, betawi dan sekitar? Um, kyknya bukan.
Mungkin temen gue bener,
Jawa selalu berarti jawa tengah.. Solo, Jogja. hm, keraton.
Permaisuri, Putri, Selir.
Perempuan kerajaan yg diharuskan untuk setia, ngalah, apik toto kromo, pengasuh dan lemah lembut. Sifat2 yg ujung2nya menjadi lambang dr sifat peempuan indonesia seluruhnya. Lemah lembut, ngalah.. Cih.
Aku perempuan.
Aku berdarah jawa.
Tapi tetap aku bukan putri.
Aku tidak lemah lembut gemulai layaknya perempuan keraton.
Aku itu keras kepala, bertemperamen panas. Jiwaku dingin.
...
"Apa nggak pernah ada yg dekat?"
"Hm, nggak. nope. none"
Aku selalu jaga jarak. Ga pnh nyoba deketin ato didekati. Menghindar dan menutup diri. Kenapa? Ga tau.
(Takut sakit kali. Trauma?Ah, mbuh.)
"Liat aja kita sekarang. Ada jarak kan? Gue selalu gitu. Curigaan. Ga bs terlalu percaya sm org lain. Biarpun itu nyokap sendiri. Uh, ya begitu deh"
...........
Are brownies pernah bilang, mengalah bukan berarti kalah.. tetapi mengerti dan berbudi luhur. Gue ngerti kok maxutnya.
Tapi mengalah sama aja memendam kepahitan rasa didalam diri sndiri. Sakit.Gila. Letih.
Terus, Sampe kpn bisa mengalah? ngempet rasa ini sndiri? Ih capek.
coffeeshop conversation...
Hey!
Ternyata, kita udah tidak kecil lagi..
Semua udah berubah...
Aku, Kamu, Dia, dan Mereka.
Yang tertinggal hanyalah kenangan-kenangan indah
Kenangan masa lalu saat kita berlari-lari, naik sepeda, panjat pohon..
Kenangan lucu yang terus saja akan teringat
Aku gak mau dewasa.
Karena masa kecil itu lebih bahagia daripada sekarang
Sehari-hari dilewati dengan gelak tawa yang tidak terhenti-henti
Tidak ada terlihat lelaki dan perempuan
Yang ada hanya..
Aku, Dia, Kamu, dan Kita.
Senangnya masa-masa itu
Sepertinya,
Tidak mau berakhir..
Tetapi, Semua sudah berakhir..
Eh..
Bukan berakhir..
Hanya berjalan maju kedunia yang lain
Penuh lika liku dan karang terjal
Tapi ya itu lah seninya..
Tidak hanya gelak tawa canda yang terlihat
Karena kita sudah mengenal artinya sakit hati.
Seperti namanya, pastilah itu sakit.
Pahit dan getir
Tapi sekali lagi..
Itu lah seninya hidup ini.
Tergantung seseorang itu menjalaninya.
[Ah, Sok Dewasa kamu]
Siapa bilang?
Aku tidak dewasa.
Aku tidak mau dewasa.
Aku masih bermimpi saat kita berlari-lari tanpa tau arah.
Saat kita tertawa tanpa ada larangan untuk menjadi seorang putri.
Saat ini, Aku cuma bisa iri
melihat kalian bisa melangkah lebih jauh dari tempatku berdiri.
Butuh berapa langkah lagi untuk menggapai tempatmu disana?
Ah lagi-lagi..
Pertanyaan kosong tiada terjawab.
Terlalu banyak pertanyaan di kepalaku..
Dan semua tiada yang terjawab.
Letih untuk bertanya, karena gak akan ada yang bisa jawab keluhanku.
Mungkin sudah saatnya untuk berhenti mengeluh?
Sepertinya sih harus..
On the Road
Leaving the jet plane, kinda makes me wonder...
It may absolute be the utmost solace ground One cud have ever landed.
With all the familiarities around yous, acknowledging for once not being gawked-at as alien within the surroundings.
It's kinda comforting, in a way.
Althou, cannot help but realizing that massive chainsaw masacre might happen at anytime.
Yet, it wont solve any one bit thing.
Nada.
It's sort of pleasant, exhilariting feelings after being told numerous 'hidden' secrets.
Kinda feelsas if your on roller coaster and its about to plummet to your own demise.
The adrenalin rush, none can defeat it now is there?
That's exactly One feels livin' in this wilderness solace terrain.
May be not a solitude all together.
Yet phantom planet do fly away.
Lonely planet for it no more.
At the moment,
Miss cynical becomes dont-mess-with-me lady.
As if there's a lady with the attitude. Ha!
Oh Boy!
[on the road, leaving the jet plane]
> I happen to like nice men
I'm nice.."
*Star wars
D, I know exactly what you're thinking.
Imaginary never last. An Absolute fairytale.
Question:
Does admiring star wars equals to 'geekiness'?
Let alone quoting a scene of han solo and princess leia. (Ha!)
What more humiliation can be worst than this?
--- MM, another fairytale. Too perfect to even come close as virtual reality.
Fairytale intoxication!
Virtual insanity.
[on white sheets of a suite hotel room]
It settles then.
There's a certain fact that a genius in science and also has massive musical talent, not to mention gorgeous in every bit of bone structure is a magnifico fantasy.
What can be more perfecto than that. I'd tell you...
None. Nada. Nil.
Even genius Einstein wasn't that hot either now did he?
What about Mozart or Bethoven? Um, none for my taste thank you.
See.. Nobody's perfect. Not even close as she potrayed.
Ah, Alas. A legitimate delusion over fairytale fantasy.
A wishful thinking of perfection, which of course, non-existent!
A temptress beauty of a poison ivy, intoxication is inevitable.
Truly is, infatuation persist.
*Sigh*
The euphoria continues..
That yellow painted house,
the dark ancient theatre and mysterious grand piano,
At last the long winding road.
We thought you were a young pretty girl with your long blonde hair and red cheeks.
We thought you were just another ordinary glimpse of the moment
Even you asked einstein to be yous tutor
It's a secret no one knows
You can plant any one of those
Keep planting to find out which one grows
It's a secret no one knows
No one really knew.
You proved us wrong.
Years later..
We found the shiny ring on your finger.
Months gone by..
Ezra is welcomed into this wilderness universe.
Yes, now you really have proven us wrong.
The thought of a young pretty girl vanished.
For you trully now is a father of two.
Forgive our mistakes.
Yet, it was priceless memories.
Ezra and penelope.. Welcome to the world :)
Wandering Ghost
Like a ghost I walked through these walls
People passes by without care
Invisible within the crowds
So tiny and So small I am from above
Hello Hello Hello
Are You Listening?
Can you see me?
Sigh..
No one.
Withering winds, blew me away
Yet, I have nowhere else to pursue
For the anchor has reached its' destination
This is the destiny
Stranger falling out of the blue
There was a man
Wearing black trench coat
Wandering around on the side of the road
The light was green
Yet he's still dancing in his own dream
Poor Poor little man
drift into the pothole
What are you thinking?
Stranger from nowhere
Like a blurry soul you are
Don't know where to move on.
"Do You Know What I Mean?"
A one phrase mentioned like millions of times in one day. Crazy innit?
A one phrase that made the other person look stupid for not understanding what the other person is saying. Do you know what I mean? ;)
Ha Ha Ha
I just wonder, whether it's so hard to explain one's point of view in conversations.
I did that sometimes. I said the phrase millions of times as well.
I felt bad afterwards, nevertheless.
It seems rude.
Wouldn't you think so?
I realised the times I popped the question is always at times when I saw the other person talking to me has these wrinkly face.. Noticing that they don't bloody understood the things I've just said. Maybe I didn't express my views on things quite clearly, I spose.
Language barrier is always an issue, I guess.
Oh well. Thats the dramas.
You gotta lovin' it for thats what you'll get for being "forced" to talked in other language than your own mother tongue.
Do you know what I mean?
Silent Reverie
That I'm not sure.
Sittin' on the corner of nowhere road.
Just between "I wish I could",
And "I don't know".
Drifting to the unknown universe
Drawn to motionless reverie
Only to sips the bitter taste
Sigh, I'm mourning ma own madness wreckage
Are You Listening?
YES, indeed. Loud and Clear babe. Loud and Clear.
But honey, tonight technology failed me. That. And a pair of extremely hideous jeans[!]
Finally. Oh man. Years and Years have gone by. From an angelic childhood til innocent no more. From uniform to university. From young boys to a father of two. Long journey aint it?
Very, indeed.
Lots have had happened. Seven Years.
From ba duba dop to Cigars in the summertime. Imaginary infatuation no more. Yes, it has become evident. Yet, infatuation is nearly fade. Oh well.
Wish to learn some of the words before actually reached the venue. But hell yeah, it was all good. Dark and Dusty Ancient Theatre doesn't really affect anyone. It was almost as a secret society. Intriquing.
Venue was almost perfect. Better seating, Better view. But alas, technicality was another calamity. Frustrated and Huge dissapointment there was.
As for documentation, well.. deepest condolences for there was none. Well, there were some, but satisfaction was incomplete.
For D: Wish to be there with you at Score. Must've been a blast compared to today. *Sigh*
You know what, they weren't as I thought they would be. Yet again, just another ordinary redneck. Not much amusement there. Hmm.
But anyway,
At least there is no longer obsession. No more imaginary infatuation, for it now becomes a mere infatuation :)
Lovely.
Noone knows exactly whats the feeling inside, at this moment in time.
None. Noone.
Smiles cannot be taken away. For it's all I have at this time.
Regrets nothing.
It's just between Me, Music, and Rock & Roll Baby!! :)
I'm Lovin' It.
Thinking this can't be real
But they say there is nothing love can't heal
Why don't you come on down
So you can feel what I feel
*Underneath
The Aftermath
I need some distraction
oh beautiful release
*Sarah Mclachlan
Yes, whatta beautiful release yesterday was. When the clock was ticking exactly at 12.00 PM,
..57..58..59.. 00 [!!]
and out the building I go.. Yeh, huge tense was finally released.
Been doing nothing all day yesterday, catching up with the outside world for a teensy bit. Had a great meal for lunch and straight up to cinema.
Eagerly to watch Kingdom Of Heaven, weeks have passed by since the movie was first released. Yes, blame on the books and university[!]
In cinema, not so enthused when the movie was about to end. Reason being, no history was understood whilst watching. Result was, confused like hell!
But hey, the good side of it.. Got to watch bloom in complete opposite character of Legolas. Well of course bloom wasn't the only interesting side (or shud say "sight"? :P) of the movie. Another GREAT side of the movie is that, it ain't typical hollywood movie. Made me wonder if there was a conspiracy or propaganda behind the story plot. But again, it's the cynical thought whom talking. Don't listen.
You know what was I thinking throughout the battle of the crusades. The battle is not just happening in the movie, or decades ago. No. The battle is right here, right now. can't you see? What is presently happening in the world is almost similar as the battle happened in the movie (or decades ago). We are in the battle. Not as different as those happened decades ago. The movie is a replica of halved battle in current universe.
Hmph, but again, what am I? Who am I? History is unknown, let alone the present life I live in.
For 'tis utterly a fool's remark.
Oh well.
The aftermath of approx. 4 months torture at Uni was all about Eating like a Pig, Catch up with the long lost cinematics entertainment (a.k.a Movies!!) and last but not least.. what else but not to sleep like a log!
Oh Whatta ideal state of life, indeed.
Until, another welcoming ceremony for our special guest.
Insanity, Welcome[!]
Hiatus Week
Well, supposedly anyway.
My brain is maxxed out and I'm so over with Uni. Completely.
Yeah, I wish.
Planned on No-Blogging-Week this week for the reason that I'm currently on Exam week and final assignments are nearly due. But yeh, it's all just plans!!
Supposedly to feel totally energized and ofcos panicky, but can't even open my eyes during tday's exam.
So bizarre..
Never happened like that years ago. I just feel I've forced my brain to the max during the early weeks of the semester, and now it's just screamin' to be switched off.
All I can think of right now is just leisure times, snoozing, and dull my brains out!
It's tough hey. Now I know how difficult Uni life can be. Neva struggle this hard during ugrad. Now I'm totally strugllin' just to fulfilled my own personal satisfaction.
It's a personal goal.. I spose.
Oh well. Back to Marketing Research.. *Shivers*
*T.day: Coffee consumption - 1 tall caffe latte [shud've bought a large one]. Food: Chicken Rice.. +nibbling fruit bun [Bread??Nibble?? Aaggh!]. Sleep: 5 hours [seharusnya sih cukup, but apparently not]. Current state: sleepy all day. eyes are completely shut down. So tired, but none have I done today. Strangely enuf. Knowledge: Academic? None. Entertainment? Whew plentii!! BeBe Hot Updates are on me! ;)
Conclusion: Brain is a complete useless today. Oh man! Disaster
