I'm NO writer!

Do you often cry? Cry at something so stupid such as watching a really cheesy drama.. Cry when listening to a soft mellow love songs.. Cry out of nowhere watching the rain pouring down from your bedroom window.. Cry just because you feel like crying. Crying with no significant cause and crying although you ain't feel sad.
Thus, are you the weeping willow?

Have you ever felt like your life is pointless. NOne to do monday to friday. None asked you out on saturday night. A Non-stop DVD station on Sunday. Really, it's a boring life indeed. Really, It's a waste of living. Everything seems wrong. All's a mistake. I said, ENOUGH! Put your stupid misery aside. If you can call it misery.

WAKE UP!
people are dying and strugglin to survive. People's lives are much more important than yours. Can't you see? Are you blinded with all the superficial luxuries? Please miss, open thee eyes.

Heal the world
Make it a better place
for you and for me
And the entire human race
There are ways to get there
If you care enough for the living
Make a better place
For you and for me

Hail Freedom!

Wednesday, 25 Jan '06. One memorial day in ma life. Tday is one of those days that'll possibly remain in your memory forever in eternity. Although at this day, a day that supposedly full of happiness and massive relieve, a glimpse of sadness and one chain of lies came knockin' on the door. It never supposed to end with lies. Now, I dare not to spoke out the truth. The truth may never be revealed, reason being, I'm to afraid of the consequences. *sigh*


Dear Friends,
For whatever reason, I apologize.




OKAY! no more shitty tears.
BREAKING NEWS BREAKING NEWS BREAKING NEWS BREAKING NEWS BREAKING NEWS BREAKING NEWS

A slight disturbing thought I had since my first week on the internship was actually in other people's mind as well! Astaghfirullah!! Dirko, U know what (or who?) I meant aight? :P My God! I knew people will talk, but I'd never realized that the BOSS will actually spill it out loud at me?! hayaahh.. maluuuu!!! Mind you that it's not only him who had that thought. I think all ppl at the office who looked at the pics certainly have the thought! Whuaa.. thank God I'm leaving them in a month time! No more gossip! Or if I still have to meet them once in a while, then the only solution to get rid of gossip is to get me a man, and SOON! ASAP! URGENT!! LoL

I've explained a whole lot to a friend why I'm worried that the 'gossip' will soon or later appear at the office. In a nutshell, I feel comfortable with the ppl, esp the dudes. But not all dudes. Just him and the other friend. They're my age so I felt that I can easily connect with them. But Hellooo.. the other friend was untouchable, forbidden boK!! Big NO-NO! Thus, the only friend I can really connect (AT THE TIME!) was him. Maybe I got too comfy (plus the new resolution, to not get uptight anymore!) so I got carried away with the situation.

I don't wanna think much of it, yet I cannot. I still felt horrible. Tried positive thinking but up til now it ain't workin. :( I kept asking meself, Do I deep down (deep deep deep down) felt something else towards him? Something.. erm, you might say, different? If such question popped in my head right now, I'd say.. No. Seriously, I don't feel all tingly when I'm around the dude. I felt comfy as a FRIEND! None more. But people's eyes sometimes see differently, I cant blame em can I? Sometimes, I am one of that people. So fair enough. No more dramas eh!

Some other general news. None of me.
You know, in British they had a survey which found that male is slightly more 'cerdas' (bright? intelligent? Smart?) compared to female. The difference is only by 5%. Tiny portion, yes maybe. But can we use the survey to the whole lot universe? What sorta people they had their survey on? What types of research had they been doing? What questions they asked to respondents? The info is still too vague. Yet, if it's true.. How you women feel? They told us that Men kind are brighter than us female? Please.. as if!

blurb of the day

Rain was pouring heavily on that day. In fact, it's been raining for the whole weekend. Nevertheless, the show went as planned, with slight delays and rugged chaos :p

Everything that happened during the weekend isn't what's planned. None can complain though. It's as best as everyone could've done. Something felt different, I wonder why.

Anyways, slight storm occured this arvo. That was exactly prior our departure to Jakarta. Confession: personally, I hate to feel weak or even seen as a weak person. Thus, when people have certain phobia to something, I kept wondering.. Can't they face their fear and not be afraid of whatever things that makes them go heebie-jeebies? Maybe easy for me to say it since I have no certain phobia to anything. Okay, Yes I do afraid of crocs and snakes, but who doesn't?

A friend once said, if it's time for death comin' knocking on your door then it's time. So if it happens to be on a plane crash, then supposedly, it is time. All's decided by the Mighty God. Aren't we all taught to not fear death?

@22Jan06

Mad-Eye MOOODY

Gue... Gundah gak jelas gini.
Gue... Mulai ngerasa sebagai orang paling pengecut di dunia ini.
Gue... Ngerasa super minder lagi.
Gue... Gue dan Gue(!!!!!) Entah sampe kapan gue, akan selalu seperti ini.

Capek.

Kalo kejadiannya begini,
Sesaat lagi...
pasti gue akan lari.
Liat aja nanti...

Pengecut.

Semua akan bermulai lagi dengan menjauhkan diri
Jauh dari semua yang tidak menyenangkan..
Memilih untuk berada di tempat yang nyaman
Entah itu sendiri,
Atau berombongan.

AARRRGGGGGGGGGHHH!!

rusak dunia!
Kenapa gue harus jadi seorang pengecut?
Kenapa gue harus selalu lari disaat 'rusuh' hati gue kambuh?
Apa gue bisa untuk sekali aja bertahan?
Bertahan dan ngenyahkan pikiran2 negatif yang berterbangan didalam pikiran gue?

Rasanya,
resolusi gue untuk jadi orang yang TIDAK uptight, susah ya.
Changing your personality (to a better one) isn't like flipping a hand. That I know.

ini.. itu... dan lain lain

Inspiration never fade.
It cannot fade!
See the dreams close to the eyes,
not to let go,
not to give up.
Believe in the heart.
That I know...
I know that I can!

*I decide my own destiny. It's just the matter of choices.
And I chose to be better, everyday. every second of the day..*

*===========*

Illuminated.
Faithful misery.
Forget me not, forget the unforgotten
drown to redemption.

Drousy pale eyes
Starve to salvation.
Release me, repulverise me
To the unknown destiny of undying soul,
The darkness gloom of tombstone.

*===========*

Liberty... Liberty!
The chant of mother earth
Suffocate no more. Breath deep the windy breeze.
Tears of the unnecessary drunken lovers
She screams! She screams!
She mourns....

'I love you no more.
I love you never'

Broken heart, shattered soul
Living a lie, nobody knows.
'tis a foolish game, a moronic bliss.
The tale of so-called the innocent kiss.

Obsesi oh Obsesi...

Pertama si Bapak bule berambut blonde panjang.. sekarang?

Si BAPAK produk lokal berambut hitam pendek layaknya seorang pekerja kantoran nan rapih. what do they have in common? the keyword is ofcos, BAPAK! aka they already have baby(ies) on the craddle. huhu Why me Lord, WHY? LoL

Hokay... slight detail. He's a new dude I just met. Ofcos everyone in this bloody earth knows that first impression is always the looks. Don't deny it. Whenever you find someone attractive is always by judging their appearance (i.e. looks). AND YES! I did that. I noticed the dude's appearance first then his attitude and personality. I found him... interesting. But shockingly.. HE's MARRIED! and he's my age.. MY AGE!! and he's a man with child??? GOD! wrong target. Super forbidden to flirt with apalagi do any affectionate touch! dooohhhh kayak mau ngapain aja sih gue!! LoL

Owalah Gustiii... How do I know? a friend of his did mentioned that he has a child, but at that time I wasn't paid much attention. I thought she just kid around! I didnt realize that all words she said were TRUE!! The whole TRUTH! Dear GOD! How did I made the clear confirmation on his status, MARITAL status! ofcos, I eagerly tried to find out the ring on his finger. and waddaya know.. a ring that I thought was just a fashion silver ring.. it wasnt there for fashion purpose at all. I'm definitely and absolutely 100% certain that it's a friggin WEDDING RING! alamakjikipeee!!! I was shocked but after knowing it I wasn't quite hopeless bla bla bla.. (heck, is not like I'm IN LOVE with him!!). It's kinda funny actually. Out he go, In another one. LoL (sok laku mode on!)

Honestly, I'm not really lookin' for a man right now but more to collecting friends. I don't mind having loads friends since I kinda lack of friends' network this past year. Time to catch for lost times! So if he's married or not I don't really care. Not that I will do anything further with him although knowing that he's taken! No. But okay kan to be friends?

Anywayyyss.............

I started auditing today. I was quite worried and did actually do a stupid remark. I talked too much. The thing that I did today was blurt out all the ways I get the internship.. to whom? To a senior! imagine that!? I was bloody idiot to even said it out loud to anyone else in the office, but this ofcos to a senior and secretary! Omigod. Words spread fast u know! I'm doomed.

Tell ya the truth, I love the work envo so much although the tasks are disturbing me, deep. I don't even know the bloody thing she said and how to do things. Hm, starting to feel as a huge burden at the office. :( Hopefully they don't think me as the annoying daddy's lil girl with no capabilities. I hate to have such judgement! Maybe I shudn't think it like that. I AM trying to understand the bloody all paperworks that theyre doing. Learning all materials they have been studying hard for 4 years and i have to do it by a month? Gimme a break will ya! everything needs adjustment. so do I. I know I can do it, but takes time. Everything takes time. But i'm lovin the fact that theyre really nice people. They really are. I wonder if I can get their Friendster or MSN/YM? Hmm ;) It'd be nice if I can always contact em after the interns' finished.

Alrighttyy..............

I just wanna memorize the obsession of me to both men with child(ren). LoL. (I'm not that obsessed, AM I???)

dhuarr...

Honestly, nothing to write. I just logged in and bore tha hella ma mind. Last day job training is tomoz and straight to a full time job the day after. SO freakin out here!! I kinda like the work envo at KNN. The people are super nice (probly deadlines are not screamin at em as yet! :p). The dudes are so limited I tell ya! God! the place r full of chicas!! believe you me. There are nice dudes around ofcos. By nice i mean gorjes! not too gorjes but they slightly pass the gorjes dude scale limit! (HA HA HA!!) Theres dis dude. he's alright. Usually not ma type cos he's too friggin' white as a dude. Tapi yah wattudu.. am so bored and not much goin on yet. Although 2006 resolution aint to get me a man, but to broaden ma networks and horizon to another level aside from uni life and hung out with ma homeboys/girls. These are from different networks, outside ma usual reach, which turns out great. I just don't cope well with the job yet. But i will. It don't look that difficult, esspecially the responsibilities they gave for interns. I read the training materials and are all about the same. We just need to know the nature of the problem at hand and how to audit them (i.e. do some substantive procedures or testings/controls). Mind you, I understand in general but still not able to identify what would be the problem in hand if they gave me all workpapers. Also, don't know which procedures to analyze it. See, although I know what I'm suppose to do but I'm blind to how to do the job.

Enough about jobs. Friggin' bored.

I need love, love
To ease my mind
I need to find, find someone to call mine
But mama said

You can't hurry love
No, you just have to wait
She said love don't come easy
It's a game of give and take

You can't hurry love
No, you just have to wait
You got to trust, give it time
No matter how long it takes

he he he he he he
Don't know wat the hell i'm thinking. My mind has been idle for too long and crazy little thing called love start to pops up. I need love, love, love. Yeah right! Am I that desperate? DOn't answer.

All I know, Lovers come and go but the right kinda man will eventually stick around. Ha ha

so fairy tale u know!

Arrrgghh gundah gulana jumpalitan gelisah meranaaa.. hahaha (apaan sih!). when she said those words, suddenly I remembered him. HIM!! the sunda dude. U know U know (well no one knows). Dimanaa diaaaaaaaaa??? huhuhu... si lucu putih pendek botak nan sunda medok ituuu... ah edan! Diana ross aja bilang, you can't hurry love. So I mustn't hurry the love. cieeee... Serasa cinta mati! padahal mah gebetan waee!!

Wis ah. Ngalor ngidul kepuyuh puyuh. geleuh!