Popular searches in my network:

Popular searches in my network (Friendster):

1. tubuh mulus
2. rekaman pemerkosaan
3. kuremas
4. tanpa BH
5. free mp3 download
6. anjasmara
7. ipod
8. ngintip kamar ganti
9. ramalan jodoh
10. schoolarship

Ya Tuhan.

Analisa 1: kuremas.. cookie dough, cucian baju, what? and tubuh mulus? Helloo... cari manekin. Mulus bgt tuh, dijamin.
Analisa 2: rekaman pemerkosaan? Sakit. Why not search nude sex or hardcore or whatever xxx. Not that those keywords are disgusting enuff, but if I may say, dude youre a potential psychopat who deserved to be in jail.
Analisa 3: The words tanpa BH is hillarious, why not just say naked or topless. Oops sorry, no no english no no understand ya? Yang keren donk klo mo kinky. Ndeso.
Analisa 4: I think I kinda know why anjasmara is on the list as well. Prolly cos he's lately been exposed of posing nude for an art work. Maybe there are loads people who are curious about it (the art work) or merely horny on anjas's - unleashed and exposed - flesh skin. Hey, he is yummy, NOT! vomit.
Analisa 5: teori pervert network gue terbukti benar.

Sick bastards.

On stuff.

Charity.
I hate that word. It obviously dictates the difference between the haves and have-nots. You said charity, you hear the Ritz: all black attire. Wine glasses clinks, faux laughters, and oh-have-you-seen-my-enormous-jewels extravaganza. That's charity.

This doesnt count for everyone, I know that. I realised that. I do.
Then again, can't we just omit the word charity? It really is insignificant word to be included in any occasion, really.

I said it to myself last night.. you know what, it didn't sound right. At that moment, I felt like a do-gooders snob. Hating it. Can't we just do something good without havin' everyone else highly praise on us? Like Agent Jay on MIIB said, "Have you ever heard James Edwards? He saved the lives of people on the subway tonight. No one knows he exists".

Social conscience dont always have to be visible. It's more likely valuable when invisible. Maybe I'm naive, Maybe I'm ignorant. Maybe I'm just a stoopid girl.

Oh well.

****

ps: I can't concentrate. I have a disturbing thought that I have a tumor or virus whatever inside my brain which failed me to focus on what I have read. HA! Idiotic. *Astaghfirullah Jangan sampe deh, kebanyakan nonton House gini deh! :( *

BODOH IDIOT GOBLOG!!

ini hasilnya kalo males. Ini hasilnya ngerjain dalam sehari dan gak ada persiapan. INI hasilnya menjadi seorang pemalas!! INI yang LO MAU?? BODOH!

Satu2nya safety net yang alhasil bubar jalan jadi hal terburuk yang LO terima. IDIOT.

Dan selama ini elo slalu merasa elo PINTAR? HA! Think again.

Mau dapet 80% ?? USAHA 90% !!! GOBLOG. Kayak gini sok pinter. NGACA DULU!

Sekarang udah tau kenyataan kan? Mata Lo udah Kebuka? Good.
Dalam 2 minggu elo HARUS kerja rodi. Gak ada kata malas!!

Elo harus AIM high. Elo HARUS:

  • MDT - 1/ C or D ... 2/D :: 3 days 27 Oct - 30 Oct
  • PM - 1/ D ... 2/ D ... 3/ HD :: 4 days 31 Oct - 3 Nov
  • SM - 1/ C ... 2/ HD :: 7 days 4 Nov - 11 Nov

NOW STOP ANGRY AND DO SOMETHING!!!!

Hey Jealousy!

Hey Jealousy!
Spinsters in a couples universe. Everything duplicates. It feels diff. Smiles and laughter are all that appear, yet a mask was worn. It was then who smiled and laughed. Inside, no one knows that all's broken.. Torn to pieces.

****
This happens when a small group of people gathered in one room to celebrate the joyous occasion of two people in love. You cant help but to feel that love is all around. Yes, as corny as it is, Love is in the air. Although you know you are loved by those around you but you cant help to notice that there's a slightly different atmosphere encircling your aura. You cant avoid the feeling.. and it's pathetic. it's sad. it's ridiculous!

Sometimes huge gathering is necessary. Yet sometimes we just wanna run quickly as we just open the door.

Let the magic begin

I can't help it okay. When I'm not rushed with deadlines I have nothing else to do hence I write. Mostly about anything with no particular importance, really. It's 10.38 PM now and at this hour I shud be doin my final reports and essays. You know what, screw em! I'm so sick of assignments. Oh FYI, I made another Gmail address *tee hee*. It's called noixe.nocturno. I have no idea how that name came up. It just came up and don't ask what it meant. Cos it's meaningless, seriously. I made that email cos the fact that I joined several mailing lists and I forward them all to my 'formal' email address. It's quite disturbing to know that all people in mailing list will know my full name. Dont you think your full name used only for your own privacy? or is it just me that so paranoid? Oh well. I like discreet name better so no fuss.

Info Info Info!!
I watched this Australian Talkshow called 'the Glass House'. But I think the form of 'talkshow' don't really suit the show well. It's like stand-up comedy, compilation! The all 3 hosts are stand-up comedians (or they used to be) and/or radio DJ. Theyre very loud but also can crack up your lungs, hard! I like the middle guy, wil anderson. He's ridiculously hillarious. Check his page out. And Oh he's sooo cute. *HaHa Yes I AM a girly girl!* Glass house is fuckin' hillarious yet mind-blowing information come screamin' at ya from very different perspective. You get comedy and also world news, in one package! It's another way to stimulate your brain now eh! I think it'll be another one of my fave TV shows. Currently on the list: House, Rove Live, Grey's anatomy, Numb3rs.


Oh oh the new Harry Potter movie is already out! Yay!! can't wait to see it on cinema anytime soon. Do you realize that Rupert Grint (Ron) is lots better looking than Daniel Radcliffe (Potter)? I mean, yeah okay Danny boy was really cuddly lookin' when he was like, what, 12 years old? Now at the age of 16, he looks much older than his actual age. Yes true, he does dress nice with the shirt-slacks-tie attire. But for God sake, you're 16, wear jeans and tees!! Not trying to compare between two colleagues but look at your mate Rupert. He's a true teenager. Wild with his rock-n-roll attitude and, if I may say, very british indeed. Even Ms. Watson do dress as her age. Mind you, not all leading young actresses are like that. Will not mention names here (not bcos it's rude, but a page won't fit to name names!).

Speaking of Harry Potter movie, it's the fourth (or fifth?) entitled 'Goblet of fire'. Heck I can't even remember what the story is about. I do think the movies will never become huge hit when compared with the books. You kinda lost the enthusiasm and excitement after knowing all the mysteries from the book and suddenly you have them visualized in different manner than of your imaginations. Sometimes it can be a bit turn off, don't you think? at least I do believe so.

Off the topic, there's a new movie: Elizabethtown, starring orlando bloom and kirsten dunst. I thought it's a typical sweet-chick-flick thing. At first, hmm.. interesting. Then I read the review on its official website.. can I just say, Suck-fest 2005!! The movie is very shallow and what's interesting I ask you? I suppose, none. Who made this movie anyway?!?! I can't believe Orlando (well, he'll do any movie I assumed?) and Kirsten would do a movie as such?! It's revolting! Hm I shudnt say that now shud I? I havent actually watch the movie nor the trailer. I might get interested and Kualat Kualatt for ending-up liking the movie. It could so happen I tell ya! Oh well.

Another update.. I love James Blunt's Tears and Rain. I still can't figure out what the song is about though. Uhh.. it's 11.26PM now. I shudve finished reading an article bout brand loyalty, but I hate the subject too much I don't even wanna bother doing the assignment. I cannot Not do the essay now can I? It's worth half of the semester work (55%!!). Geesh I donno whatta hell in convenor's mind when he allocated the tasks for this sub. I mean, c'mon 55 for one lousy essay?? That's madness!! Yet I have to surpass this madness. Garrghh.

Ah this the end of it. I'm just bored and need to write about 'Glass House' (and Mr. Potter himself of course).

Hokay. I'm outta here.
Goodnight dear nightingales...

The Ipod Empire

Question: How many iPod owned in a single household?

It is amazing how iPod can continuously releasing new innovation in just matter of weeks. Nano was just another invention and now we see there's already a new one called 'the new iPod'. The difference between this one and the others is the addition of video feature. Its so cool OK. I so desperately want one.

iPod is using massive advertisement exposure, which implicitly force people to have the necessity to at least have one iPod in their pocket. They create the need for customers. Subconsciously, they brainwashed us to have iPod like having the need to eat. This hype is more fab than the booming of mobile phones. It is massive! In mere months you saw people wander around city, suburbs, small villages with the white string earphones hanging on their neck.

I always wonder what makes iPod so different than any other mp3 players? The first iPod was not new-to-the-world product. There are good amount manufacturers who have established mp3 players ranging from affordable to ridiculously overpriced. So what makes iPod a cool-gadget-that-everyone-must-own?

It certainly has a huge capacity. Helloo.. 20 to 40 GB? That's HUGE. It could hold thousands of music and documents. But do we have time to listen all of the tenth thousands songs? Logically, no. But of course, we are tempted with the idea of having all things fit into one small packaging. It's basically our electronic junkyard, really. Look, I'm not saying iPod is useless innovation. Heck I even want one, rememberr..!

But the thing is, I'm really curious on behind-the-screen of iPod production. I really really really want to know how they actually market the product. Cos the success definitely came mostly from the marketing/advertising division. They did a hella job! I want to know the brain behind all the mass marketing planning of each and every iPod products. Just look at the ads, they are everywhere and always consistent with its' contents and preferences. Those what made us brainwashed so easily. Look at the eye-catching colors and silhouettes of party-goers with their iPods. It's way cool OK. It got attitude. I'm lovin' their ads. Now they even have Eminem in one of the ad, with the same consistencies. It is awesome!

I know I don't need another iPod cos sis already have one, the iPod photo. But you know what, I still can't help that I'm craving the new one with video feature. It's bloody expensive though. That's why I'm having second (and maybe third, fourth, etc) thoughts. But it is just so practical. I can watch a movie and listen to my music collection just in one player? I want onee!!!!!

Friendster is a Sicko Perv!

Seriously. I'm beginning not liking Friendster now. You know, that cyber-social-networking-that-is-so-gaul. They added many (i mean ALOT!) new features lately. Honestly, They're all interesting, but enough is enough. There's a new feature called 'whos viewing me' which basically inform us, the users, about the people that regularly stalking our FS. Look, this new feature is OK by all means. It sort of protect our privacy. Dowh like there is one when we're online! But anyway, It kinda stopping me being stalker too. whoaa Tobat Tobatt! LoL I absolutely can tolerate with the other new features as well, letsee, they have slideshow for pictures, adding music video to profiles, new layout, etc etc (hey now i can't possibly recall everything can I?).

However, this morning I logged-in to FS to check a message from a friend. I thought, oh what-the-heck add one more pic on my prof, won't hurt anyone (plus, I'm in no mood to do assignments). I also hopped to some friends FS, check on their latest prof and piccies. This is when I'm in total shock and disgust to find another new feature from FS called 'forward to a friend'. So how does it work? first you go to their photo album and select slideshow. On your right sidebar, there will be few options available. One of 'em is 'forward to a friend'. This is basically a link for all pervvy pervertsons out there. Seriously, this is no less dignified as having a matchmaking network. This what's written in the default textbox message:

Me(your name) thinks you might enjoy Friend's (Friend's name) profile on Friendster. Go ahead, see for yourself.

There are several options to send this link. It's either you forward it to your FS friends or by email. Hence more pervvy pervertsons out there will come and join FS to drool over gorjes babes. Mind you, this don't always target on male perv only. There are loads of female perv too, believe you me.

This is just very disrespectful mankind to established such simple friends networking to become friends-double-quotes community. No wonder there are loads of underage harrasments happening via Internet. This could easily gives access for those sickos old men to perv on young kids. Can i just say, YUCK! That is why I'm beginning to loathe the existence of Friendster in this mighty earth. Jonathan Abrams, watch out for some legal assaults come knocking on your door any time soon.

You might think this is canggih as hell but I can assure you, it is so not. Look, what would you think if some strangers out there drooling and even having himself a 'treat' while staring at your piccies? How disgusting!! Not to mention, Male friendship is very tight sometimes they'll gladly share the 'joy' to their best mates. They, again, give themselves the most enjoyable free slideshows anytime they want. I mean, c'mon people, what if the piccies theyre lookin at are of your daughters or sons (today nothing is impossible!). I should say that Jon Abrams now think nothing but how FS bring profits for him.

Dear Sir,
You are the world most famous perv!
I even have more respect to Hugh Hefner now.
Yes Mr. Abrams.. enjoy your filthy mansion.

Yours disrepectfully,
-de.caff-

What more can FS bring to our beloved homes, I wonder. They might think it's as gaul as ever, but you know what... it's a perverts network. I wish not to verbalize anymore.

in all men's club.. anything could happen.
They'd say: "Hello Sons, get ready to grab some tissues!"

The Bitches.. ROWR!

Are we women when together like backstabbing enemies? Are we cats with massive attitude? Had Eve been so selfish to passed on her 'attitude' to her descendents without any consideration? Are we yet another reason for humankind to be kicked off from a place ought to be a haven at one time? Are we, women, the bitches of the centuries?

Women are destined to embrace "keep your friend's close and your enemies closer" principle, are we not? At one point, a girl's bestfriend is your most trustworthy companion. Yet when lightning strikes, they can be your sworn enemies you'd never imagined. Beware Beware! Women are bitches. It's our natural insting, is it not? I love when we bitch. I hate when they bitch about me. Ha!

Have you ever realised when women are gathered in one room they're always in their best interest trying to please and compliment each other... excessively. Aren't we all the pompous swaggers? We say friend out loud yet our mind plays trick with its demeanor arrogance to belittle anyone, everyone. We are the queen of our own soul.

"a friend in need is a friend indeed" is a metaphor. It only exists in reality TVs. We are the air-headed chicas. Blind to the unknown social life and immensely showered with faux luxuries. We are my friend, the socialites of the new millenium.

Don't assume your girlfriend is the best friend you ever known. The 'girlfriends'.. may be your worst friends. We can be far more threatening enemies than the politicians themselves. We are the villains behind Patience Phillips's dark mask. We are intolerable misdemeanor princesses.
We took oath. We are the daughters of Eve.


****

ps: Had a fight with a humongous fly. I won!! *evil laughter*
Fly: 0 Me: 1

Sheesshh

"IN A CROWD silence is another excuse"


Gaarrsshhh Dogde me a bullet, I'm done. This is a total madness I tell ya!
*****

ps: Gak suka deh smua orang niru gayanya dia. Seakan" mereka gak bisa nulis cara lain. Emang bener tulisan dia itu santai dan bahasa sehari" anak muda sekarang. Tapi pLiS GitU L0cH be Creative! Gak bilang gue jg pinter (read previous entry), tapi ya sebagai pembaca gue B0s4N baca kesini "eh mirip", kesana "ok nyerempet2 doank", kesitu "ih dia Bangged gitu loch!". See, sebagai pembaca terus terang.. gue 3nEg liat dia nulis seperti ini dan itu semuanya SaMa!!

pps: Gue heran ama those so-called anak GAUL berame" nULis SpErTi InI dAN mereka yang gak ngikutin dibilang old-fashioned dan GoG (read: jee-O-jee, arti: Gak Oke Gitu)? *see i can be 'maksa' as well.*
Question: Apa iya YanG Sp3Rt1 In1 DibIl4Ng Ok3? kok jadinya agak" R3t4RdEd Ya? Bikin Sakit mata tau gak!

Bisanya ngiri doank!

"Nulisnya dia bagus banget deh!"
Iri.
Kita sama. Hanya seorang biasa. Bukan penulis handal ataupun penulis populer seperti si mereka" itu. Entah dia seorang mahasiswa/i, pekerja kantoran, seorang ibu rumah tangga, atau seorang penggangguran berharap akan suatu oportunitas kerja.
It is true though.. knowledge does empower everything.

Andai berandai andai...

I should...

  • Do my applications of metrics 2500 words essay, which due sometime today but I dont think I'd able to finish on time.
  • Do new product development for wednesday presentation but with unfortunate events the lecturer asked to send her the slides by monday 5pm hence more daunting deadlines for me to do.
  • Really put more focus on metrics considering this is my weakest link this semester. *I just can't understand the whole point of the subject!*
  • Stop reading blogs after blogs, which by the way, I found an interesting blog comments on 'white ban - poverty history' campaign and instead he switched the buzz to 'hentikan gelang tolol' campaign. Nicely put I'd say.
  • Stop posting for today and partly next week. Seriously.
  • Quit thinking of what I'd buy at tomoz kookai and sass and bide warehouse sale. *see, i am that lazy to being able to spend my day shopping albeit all the assignments*
  • Stop downloading music from torrent or my friggin' computer will explode any time soon.
  • Seriously, stop writing rubbish on this blog. Now!

  • Damn stop writing bitch. Do your essay prontO!
    Woman, quit it.

Hokay2, I'm stopping.

virginity... sacred or overrated?

I came across the topic whilst reading a book about university students today and their lifestyle. The book took one of Indonesian big city as its' background. It elaborates the true-blue of Indonesian youth. It came to a shock that as taboo as the elderly used to say, youths today are pretty much posses the law of 'free sex' in their everyday lives. They said Indonesia has the most Muslim population, but I suppose, religion is out of date. It don't matter to me about the adoption of 'free sex' in our lifestyle. Hey, I'm no hypocrite who says that it's sinner's path or whatever. I've lived long enough to notice that people DO have sex. However, what concerns me is the whole concept of religion and sex brought together in one nation under God, Indonesia. They just don't match.

If everyone just be open-minded and acknowledge the truth out there that people DO have sex: your brothers, sisters, your kids, friends, relatives, your PARENTS! (eww) See, why make it such huge taboo when in reality most people have experienced it at least once. I wonder when people got married (the singletons, not divorcees or widows/ers), they still expecting their au pair is a virgin? Well, of course they still expect that, but are they really a virgin? If one-night-stand is a common lifestyle, then why do people still highly praise their virginity?

1 in 3 women thesedays I presume has already had sex. Hence they've lost their virginity to some guy who probly will not be their man-to-be. Yet they casually accepted that, they do live such lifestyle. So why people still bother preaching religion into other people's personal anecdote. Dads, Mums, Ustadz, I guess your preaches are taken aside, came in one ear out the other. I just wonder, why bother? As far as I know, the more forbidden 'laws' are force-fed to kids thesedays, the more rebellious they would become. They really do embrace "papa don't preach" literally. I guess to some people, Islam in Indonesia is just another label for their religious status. It is nothing but a name on their identity card. I shouldn't also judge while I know I'm no better than them. I still have lots to learn about the faith I behold upon 'til the day I die. (not sure whether the word behold upon really suits well in that sentence.. hehe)

It's just that...
I hate hypocrites.
.... And there are one-to-many to count in our beloved country Indonesia.

Catching Tales...

JAMIE CULLUM is brilliant.
NO one cannot NOT like him, music-wise.
His music speaks out to youth. He's the missing link to today's music genre.
No other words can describe Jamie 'xcept CANGGIH MAAAKK!!!!

-nuff said.

Friendship, business, or sincerity

"A friend in need is a friend indeed."

A phrase can be so well-written and often covers many wisdom meanings. Yet somehow it can not always be well-accepted in everyone's mind, body and soul. An angelic heart always says the truth whilst the body may always prevent us to do good deed. Our act is not what our heart desire. Vice Versa.

Although at some point, the act is fulfilled as what heart desire but there is a tad hypocracy befell. Torn between friendship and business and insincerity. 'Frailty, Thy name is woman!' The name of that woman might be me yet I do not wish for it. Confused between sincerity and fraud and a fool. A dillema that I wish not to occur. Am I living in this world alone and entirely hesitant to give a helping hand? Am I that selfish ignorant?

I don't know what to do...

A Birthday & One Ambition

151st Birthday OSCAR WILDE
For a man who has touched the hearts of his younger generations...
He will stay alive.

Oscar Wilde,
A true legend that will never die.

Happy Birthday Mr. Wilde .


If You can get Distinctions why settle for Pass or Credits.
If You are capable to maximize your own effort, why delay?
If You were low-key and currently strive to own ambition, then buckle up it'll be a rough ride.

The past is of no importance.
The present is of no importance.
It is with the future that we have to deal.
For the past is what man should not have been.
The present is what man ought not to be.
The future is what artists are.
It is a pointless act to have hoped the goals yet nothing is to be done.
Sitting all day on a blue couch, mumbling unknown words, ordering take aways, and bewildered the eyes with notorious visuals deceit
... will bring You to nowhere route.

You my dear,
always passionate to be better, to be Known better.
Don't halt for one sec. "The future is what artists are"

Oh dear Lord.

The horror just end. A sweet pain of relief I had indeed yesterday.
Consequences of my laziness has brought a mighty burden on ma shoulder this past week. I had a 4000 words report due friday evening and 2 presentations on saturday morning. Believe it or not, report was written on thursday mornin' and finished just bout 2 hours b4 due. Head on to individual presentation from 1 am to 6 am on sat mornin'. Did not have time to practice let alone make reasonable structure for it. Printed it out and began with the group presentation (mind you, the class started at 8 am that same morning!). For group presn I only need to practice since my group mate has done most of the work *tee hee*.

All's done. 7.30am Time to face those 5 dreading hours.
11 pm.
I.R: 'so who will do the talks today? I say there are two groups?'

11. 20 pm. 'okay, today's presentation is about marketeres turn to metrics to measure the impacts of their initiatives....'

--- after long discussions and several other presentations ---

1.10 pm. 'This presentation about advertising effectiveness. Uh.. Mmm.. Uhh.. Thank you. Any Question?'

Man! I suck when I'm not prepared! Hateful.
All I did were mainly 'Uhh', 'Mmm', 'Err..', *silent*.

I was so tired, damn frickin' nervous, clueless, and V. drousy! Dunno whether my pronounciation was okay too, but who de heck cares with pronounce if you don't know the hell ur talkin' about! Gaaah! Especially when there are two 'interesting' dudes sittin' there and actually listening while you do the talk but all you say was 'Uhh'? Gaaahh *pressure. pressure. pressure*

I wanna say it's all done and finished with. No need to bother cos it's the end of sem & prolly u wont see em no more, so no worries? But come to think of it, I can't just let go. That was a lousy day and prolly will haunt me for the rest of this sem, or prolly til next sem, who knows. =(

'Til 4 weeks time, I have 3 reports and 1 more presentation. None of 'em are prepared.
Dear God, help me.

mood swings. Beware!

Don't feel like writing anything. Badan gue lemes banget. kayaknya mau sakit kali ya? Oh well.

This morning mum went home to Indo. All's good. Will meet her again in a month, insyaAllah.

Ughh... I feel sick I wanna puke.

Hmm... craving.

Exactly.. 5 weeks and 2 days from now I'll be on my way home. It seems time runs really slow, but truly it's not. I still can't decide whether I want time to move faster or just slowly so I'd be more relaxed? I can't decide which I want.

I'm starving. Plenty food stored in the fridge, Alhamdulillah, but don't feel like eating any of 'em. Am I being ungrateful?

Again, Butterflies flyin' like crazy in my stomach. I've been stung by a gorgeous bee. Ha!
I cannot yet resists the smile. I too began to smile and felt embarrassed all at once.
Crazy talk.


Suddenly, I'm not feeling so good :(

Do I DARE?

To admit to have a major crush on somebody out of my league? No no, to be exact, someone who's truly out of reach. Bedanya kita udah kayak langit dan bumi. We are apart gazillion miles away. Again, I can only admire and adore from faraway distance. This is crazy I tell ya! My mind runs like a dozen dancing mad cows. Twirling and twirling never ends. I don't even dare to admit this 'thing' inside. It's SO embarassing I do not dare to tell anyone. No one must know. Let just hoped that tomorrow's better days without any of this crazy talk every again.

Gaaah! I don't even understand you. My God I don't even know you! What the hell's happening to me? Don't answer, Don't ask. I don't need me to speak out loudly about any of this with fear that I'd acknowledge his existence and my pathetic infatuation. I don't want him to be real. Not in my reality.

Oh God. Such a torment to feel head over heels for someone you barely know. Maybe this is the hormones talking? I really do hope so for then all this idiotic crush will evaporates in approx 7 days. hfff I can't even talk about it to anyone! This is surely the hormones talking. Yes, I'm sure. Definitely sure. Positive.

.... I'm definitely sure that I'm not sure. (sigh)

Argh! Migraine!

Dia berada jauh disana dan aku ada di rumah
Memandang kagum pada dirinya dalam layar kaca
Apakah mungkin seorang biasa
Menjadi pacar seorang superstar.

tak mudah bagi diriku
Untuk ikuti gaya hidupnya
Semua orang suka padanya
Berat rasanya

No Oh No. No No NO!


2.03 AM and realised... I'm hopelessly intoxicated over the dude. isht this cannot be! All day long tried to find anything that relates to the dude. I can't study. I can't sleep. I'm completely restless. I can't think straight. I mourn over nothing. I'm in deep shit.

duh gejala" mo 'dapet' kali yah.. LOL. is it? cudn't be. but cud it?
Ahhh pusing pusing pusssiiiinngggg!!!!
perut gue eneg, dada gue sesak, pikiran gue campur aduk entah kenapa, gak ada mood untuk ngapa2in.. berhari" resah gak ada juntrungannn.. isht I hate this.
Ada apa dengan GUEEE????????????

Hadoowwwhh!

doooowwwhhh kok gue gundah gulana gak enak ati kelimpungan entah kenapa kuadrattt!!! Kenapa sih gueeeeeeeee!!!!!!! gue mesti gimanaaa!!! hwaaaaaaahh!!! Hati gue kayaknya gak tenang aja.. sakit, sesak, nyesek, eneg campur aduk gak karuan.. sebenernya gue kenapaa??

hwaahh gue benci kalo lagi bgini !!

omong kosong

kayaknya.. gue udah terlalu jauh menghindar dari dunia mereka. Udah susah mau melangkah kesana lagi. Apa sudah saatnya untuk menghilang kembali?


kayaknya.. 'penyakit' gue kumat lagi. Gue gak bisa belajar. Gue gak konsen. Tugas2 numpuk gak karuan, tapi tetep ada yang ganjal di pikiran gue. Apa yang kurang? Sesuatu ini yang kerap datang disaat yang tidak tepat. Dengan mudahnya bikin gue hilang kesadaran dan meninggalkan semua yang terpenting di hidup ini. Sesuatu yang kurang dan belum dapat gue dapatkan. Entahlah..

kayaknya.. gue merangkak lagi ke fase itu. Sebuah mimpi. huh Memalukan. Kenapa sekarang selera gue berubah? Hanya dia yang terpampang indah di pikiran gue. Tapi siapa dia? sekali lagi.. gue terbuai dengan mimpi yang indah.. Ah, hanya lah sebuah fatamorgana. Seseorang berkata.. raihlah impian setinggi langit2 kamar, jangan setinggi langit. Karena langit2 kamar masih dalam jangkauan tanganmu. Mungkin gue selalu bermimpi karena gue selalu melebihi langit2 kamar, jauh diatas jangkauan tangan. Mungkin.. gue terlalu berharap yang tidak memungkinkan.

kayaknya.. gue perlu tidur. G o o d n i g h t dear void...

Karena saya malas...

Mending nulis2 aja.. mengasah otak gue juga ya gak *tsaaah*

First of all I'd like to comment on the latest posting on Australian Idolblog about the live verdict on 3 Oct 2005. A direct quote "The words "as painful as dripping acid onto a hemorrhoid" come to mind. If any one of these people make a cd it will be worse than the lovechild of Anthony Callea and Shannon Noll..." I can never be more agree to this comment. I felt it, I supposed half the nation also felt it. This year's show is horrific. All contestants sung like theyre on kareoke bar. None was spectacular as last year's. They just don't get my vote cos they never gave us that VIBE! I can honestly say, anthony callea and shannon noll are much better than them. I don't even like them. To me they have no character. They built their characters during the making of their album. I hate that cos then they got 'Sony BMG's puppet' written all over. I guess, this goes the same for whoever wins Australian Idol 2005. I wonder if they chose the wrong finalists? All 13 of 'em.

Off topic, I learned last night about Maslow's hierarchy of Needs. Pretty interesting. Here's the chart..


Image hosted by Photobucket.com

Mungkin yang udah terpenuhi hanya sampai level 2. Itu juga bukan karena effort gue sendiri. Selanjutnya, itu perjalanan yang mesti gue tempuh sendiri.. Riweuh ya kalo diliat? But this may be useful for our own motivation.

I'm bored and friggin' lazy. isht

Shaum Ramadhan Eve...

This late afternoon I went to Uni as usual, walked 10 minutes to main road, took any tram and then lilydale train. The journey was pretty much similar as the days before. At a peak hour as such, it's quite obvious that I'd rush my way to platform 2. Today wasn't quite as yesterdays. Today, I noticed something different on my way to Uni. Today, I saw a family. They were just few meters away from where I stand. A father holding his guitar, a little daughter was beside him carrying small tamborine and harmonica trying to be a street musician as his daddy. Behind them, there's a lady sat on the corner wrapped up in a black cloth. I don't know who she is. I don't know who they are. Theyre just another random people I met in my ordinary life. But the little girl seems glee with laughter and smiles. Her daddy is only a street musician, but at that moment it looks as if theyre okay with it, they are complete. Suddenly, I felt warm and fuzzy feeling rumbling in my stomach.. They are just an simple family living a very simple life. His little daughter is prolly just about 5 years old or younger. But she looks as if she has the whole world upon her hand. Her clothes are clean, neat and pretty. With those tiny purple boots, red dress, and pair of wings on her back. She doesn't look like a street musician's daughter. She looks like a kid. Just a kid, with her innocent face and happy laughters. She is so lucky, I thought. I don't think I've ever saw such view. Not when I was back at my home country.

They were the opposite of what I just saw earlier today. Their clothes are all shabby and torned. Sometimes, they walked barefoot cos they can't afford to buy pair of flip flops. They don't have wings on their back cos they prolly have other things to think of beside having a set of furry wings on their back. Their daddy might also be street musicians, but they also have to stand beside him with every effort earning a little penny of their own. Dear God, don't we all your beloved creation? Don't we all made of the same element? So why does living in different continent could separate our lives like day and night? Sometimes I think this might be our punishment for being hypocrites, to ourselves, to everybody else, and to You. I suppose forgiveness is not on the agenda.

I just hoped for a better life, for all of us, for those kids. They don't need to suffer at that fragile age. Let maturity comes before they know the word suffer and misery. I know I've complaint alot about my life, but truly, mine is much better than those kids'. I just hoped, someday when the world is a better place to live, these kids can leave their shabby clothes for nice and neat attires, cute little mini boots, complete with a pair of wings on their back. And all I see is that their bright faces and they are overjoyed just being kids. Someday, people will -again- adore them because they are just kids who are naturally born to be adored and not mannequins that people could just ignore and walk through. I can't say I've helped enough for them to have such dreams. I, myself, a selfish ignorant. Shame.

Exactly two and half hour from now is the first day fasting on Ramadhan 1426 H. It's my second Ramadhan with mum here. I don't know whether I'm blessed or to act as if it's nothing. I tried not to make promises that I know I cannot keep. A day before Ramadhan, I got tested for my faith. During class today, a classmate brought wine before presentation started, which is a nice ice-breaker. People were drinking wine in small sample glasses. He offered me some. I refused. Although temptation was high cos most of them were drinking and the bittersweet smell of wine was all over the room. I admit, I was tempted for a second. It was something that got me thinking, westeners' social life is all about drinking. What will I do when I'm in their social cycle? Will I then have the power to decline?

We'll get the answer when I'm already in their lives. Til then, I still dare to say No. It's late.. I ended here with Ramadhan Mubarak to everyone.


ps: at a time as this before Ramadhan, I hate to admit but I kinda miss him. I wonder how he's doing now? I hope he's doing all the best with his new life. Oh well, too much MG, KLBK Kumat! blech. wake up.

Boys: Sometimes a girl just needs one

Hokay. Confession time.
I hate to admit that these past few days I started to watch again a chinese series entitled.. *djeng djeng* meteor garden.. Hwaaaa *malu*. Don't laugh okay. Let's face it, the movie is keteng but surely entertaining. It's a basic love story between man and woman who always at each others' throat but deep down they really have strong connection and that 4 letter words, Love.. *and the audience goes 'Awwwww'* (sick).

I always enjoy watching that movie, over and over again I never get bored. Maybe almost the same feeling when watching Friends. I repeat, Almost. You know what, I know I'll get the beating of my life by saying this, but I think there are not much difference between 'meteor garden I' and 'the O.C'. Seriously. The main plot is so obvious about, again, love story of two people who come from different background. They were at each others' throat at the beginning, but soon after they can't get their hands' off to each other. In simplest term, they were foes but then they were lovers.. *Awwwww* (apaan sih!)

I watched the series early this morning and suddenly I realised, the main character the famous tao ming se (haduh apal!! maluuu! ) is a lot like *drums rolling* Ryan from the O.C. *grin* To clarify, the similarities are based on their character only, not physically or their real life. You know, I laughed myself off when I realised these similarities between MG and OC. It's friggin' funny how I, once again, crazed over the heels just because of a chick flick.

oh you know what's most embarassing?
Yes, there's more..
I kinda like the main character played on MG... no no don't laugh yet, hear me out. He's a typical character that all ladies would adore, cmon admit it. who wouldn't want a bad-boy-look kinda guy? Plus, he's hot. And so is Ryan of OC. He has that bad boy look but eventually he came out of his shell. Then we realised that he ain't that bad. Cmon, don't be such hypocrites.. all women want that perfect picturesque man in her life. Don't you dare to squint at me lady. I know you know what I meant. All chick flick always portrayed a man with all his perfectness (is it a word?). Not just physically but also mentally and of course career-wise. Not true? well why don't you ask those spinsters running in and out pubs and dating scenes? They only search men with specific criterias. Therefore we love our chick flicks, are we not? Cos they visualised the dreams. I'd say OC and MG can be considered chick flick too. My theory is that all chick flicks have to have hot but cool and sensitive type of guys so that he'll become another hearthrob and the ladies would just pour out their undying love to these guys. True, no?

Oh well. A page is enough for this ramblings about our pretty boys.
Boys oh Boys...
sometimes a girl just needs one.

Blog

Sperti yang udah gue bilang dari dulu, gue gak suka blog yg udah komersil. Gue bilang mereka itu jadi palsu. Seperti yang selayaknya masyarakat umum tau blog itu adalah salah satu media untuk numpahin segala macem uneg" yang nyangkut dari ujung kepala elo ampe ujung kaki. Lo bisa dengan bebasnya tumpahin ke blog space apapun yang lo punya. Lo bisa sebebas"nya ngatain orang, maki", sumpah serapah sampai tulisan politik ekonomi sosial dan segala macem yang berbobot. Seperti layaknya ber-alter ego, elo punya dunia sndiri dengan keberadaan blog" ini.

Tapi semua itu bisa aja pudar dengan increase-nya expectation para komentators blog elo. Mungkin aja setelah sekian lama, elo jenuh dan begah dengan karya tulisan" elo itu sndiri karena merasa elo tidak bebas lagi. Banyak dari beberapa blogs yang gue baca adalah seperti yang gue sebutkan tadi. Hari ini udah gue temukan 2 blogs (well, 3 if includes my other blog :p) yang dengan sengaja 'berpamitan' ke frequent readers nya dan declared temporarily hiatus. Gak nanggung" hiatus ampe bisa bertahun" ato undecided. Gue salah satu pembaca yang lumayan sering mampir ke tempat" mereka, dari tulisan mereka.. bisa dibilang mereka memang menulis sebagai satu cara untuk numpahin segala pikiran mereka dan blog sudah bukan lagi menjadi media yang bisa mereka pakai tapi gue yakin mereka akan tetap menulis. If I were them, alasan gue bisa berpamitan dengan dunia tulis maya mungkin karena gue jengah dengan orang" yang datang sa'karepe dewe ngalor ngidul ke tempat kebebasan gue dan pastinya.. gue gak akan merasa leluasa untuk menumpahkan smua apa yang ada di kepala gue. Tapi, sekali lagi, ini saya bukan mereka.

Oddly enough.. meledaknya dunia blogging bisa jadi hanya dianggap sebagai fad. Untuk sesaat, it has its' glory, but soon enough... it'll lay down low at the grass. Hambar, basi. Untuk sesaat, menulis itu menjadi sebuah trend, menulis itu keren. Yah paling tidak, it's a positive fad.

Selanjutnya apa lagi ya?

oops they did it again.

It seems if we burst in anger.. they will be most satisfied. They've achieved victory. We don't know who to blame... who we want to blame. Usually we just take assumptions and quick accuses to point out the suspects. Are you certain, completely sure, of your accuses? How many blogs, articles, newspapers, TV media have reported their views about it? Too many no one can count.

I want to scream and yell out to those bastards and bitches who did it, but that'd pleased them so. I know I'm a complete ignorant when it comes to this. Maybe it's my way to find escape. Not caring for the world. It didn't work so well, I still feel awful.

Why there have to be greed and power?

Off the topic, I finally went to Art Gallery to see the Dutch Masters. A bit dissapointed cos the paintings that I want to see are not there. They only brought 1 painting of Vermeer and not the one I wanted to see.

There are many of rembrandts. I know nothing of arts, so to enjoy them is just by how beautiful those paintings are and how talented all of them compared to moi. They CAN make those paintings seem alive. I mean truly alive as if they were photographs! but instead, of course, they were created using mostly oil on canvas or on wood panel (whatever this means). There are only three paintings that are still fresh in ma mind.. first is Rembrandts' entitled 'titus' (his son). He (titus) seems sad and lonely, but dunno how it actually interpret. As I said, I know nothing of art. Secondly is the Jacob van Ruisdael's entitled 'the watermill', which is similar object as hobbema's painting entitled 'A watermill'. He is Ruisdael's student and it is said that they usually travelled together and painted the same objects but surely in different perspective. These watermills are one example. Ruisdael's is more dark and grotesque compared to hobbema's who has more bright colours and seems calm with its' blue sky. Ah sok tau ya gue? hmm, but dunno why, I like Ruisdael's better.

I still want to see Vermeer's 30 other collections!! I want to see girl with pearl earring !!!!!!! Gaaahh!

last but not least, all my condolences.

good friend, great friend

Do you ever think that at this age you had enough of branching around to find friends that you trully comfortable to be with? They said at this age it's the perfect timing to gain as much experience you could get. Reach the top of the world if you would. Befriended with whomever crosses path.. don't narrow judgments and just open-minded. At the end of the day perhaps you'd get the whole world in your grasp.

End of theories, come in moi. Don't know what's gotten into me these past year, everything seems different cos things changed, people moved on. But there I am.. stood still like one clueless statue with no one and nothing to forgo. Suddenly I realized that I left all despair and misery miles and miles away to find a drop of happiness. I did found it, just a tad.. but surely made my days a lot better than I could ever imagined. However, at those times, I was satisfied rather quickly. I only wanders to those surround me and I'm at peace merely because I've found my comfort zone. Years gone by without noticing that the universe keeps moving forward and it stroke me deep to realized that I've lost it. That one tad of happiness, 2 cups of laughter and smiles, and 1/2 spoon of bitterness sweet. Again, the world becomes another jungle and I'm lost to nowhere arrow.

I've said too many times to just lift up these big butts and get a life. But do you know how exhausted I am to explore the jungle once more to find another comfort zone? I'm so tired of faux laughter and all those insignificant small talk. I'm not me when I'm around unknown others.

Yet I know that it's not how we meant to survive. We are human beings with necessity to interact with the others. However tough this might be, we ought to fight it and give life a chance once more. I know what I should and shouldn't do but to interpret them into action is a long bridge I cannot walk through.


I am clueless this way.
People say c'est la vie.. I say, Fuck la vie.

About Me

My photo
A Blank Canvas, Ready to be painted. Contemplation at its best. A personal Journey...

goBlog